Riffster: "After returning from my mission to sanction
Colonel Scott S. Shimski, I thought the NEFGA Hegemony would let me
fade into obscurity. You know what they say about hope springing
eternal? Yeah, Right. I hid out in an obscure dive in Palatka,
under a sock puppet account, yet still, they found me... They
always do."
ICM: "Riffster, NEFGA needs
your rather unique skills once again. It seems that one member of
the boat crew that took you up river has fallen under the spell of
the Jungle. Our informants tell us that Paint Fiction returned up
river after he dropped you off in Astor. Intelligence indicates
that he is caching under the radar, placing 'questionable' hides in
population dense areas. There are even indications that he is
hiding ...micros, though we haven't confirmed this yet. Out there
with those muggles it must be tempting to be God. 'Cause there's a
conflict in every human heart between the rational, the irrational,
between good and evil. And good does not always triumph. Sometimes
the dark side overcomes what Lincoln called the better angels of
our nature. Every man has got a breaking point. You and I have.
Paint Fiction has reached his. And very obviously, he has gone
insane"
Riffster: "Forgive me if I sound obstinate Sir, but
what exactly is wrong with that? NEFGA can't control the whole
world, you know."
ICM: "D@mmit Son, they ain't
ammo cans! For God's sake, man, get a grip on yourself! Once an
area gets infected by the disease of tolerance there's no telling
how deprived caching will get! We can't allow our high NEFGA
standards to be compromised by some long haired hippy loving Jesus
freak! You've got to stop him, and stop him fast! Show no mercy,
for he will show you none if you are caught."
Riffster: "So, what is my objective, Sir?"
ICM: "Proceed upriver 4.2
klicks to these coordinates. You'll find a film canister that Paint
Fiction hid."
Riffster: "A film canister, Sir? In the woods? Are you
certain?"
ICM: "I told you son. He's
fallen, and he wants to take NEFGA down with him. He's out there
operating without any decent restraint. Totally beyond the pale of
any acceptable cacher conduct. You understand Riffster... , that
this operation does not exist, nor will it ever exist."
"Once you find the film canister,
Terminate it with extreme prejudice. Replace it with this ammo can.
NEFGA's got an agent inside the GC Continuum. You've met. Once we
get confirmation on the switch, our agent will archive that
shameful micro and publish your cache. We're hoping that having the
rug yanked out from under him will wake him up. If that fails, we
may have to take more decisive action against him."
"God bless you, son. America is
counting on you."
Riffster: "Ol' Fat Guy to Dairy King... Ol' Fatguy to
Dairy King... The deed is done, Sir.... Repeat, the deed is
done...."
"NEFGA calls me a hero. Why don't I feel like a hero? Paint
fought his way up this d@mn river, hiding what he believed to be a
legitimate cache, but his vision didn't sinc with those white robe
b@st@rds sense of aesthetics. Now his cache is dead. Just so much
perforated plastic."
"As I sit here, covered in mud, skeeters ticks, chiggers and
shredded micro log bits, I must question my own sanity. NEFGA
dictates what is acceptable in this God forsaken swamp. They set
the standards. We're supposed to follow blindly, like so many d@mn
lemmings. Hopefully, this narration will never be read by the
Hegemony. If it ever becomes public, my own cache stats may be
forfeit."
"One day, when the Hegemony falls, I will be able to come out of
the closet and admit to liking caches of every size. Until that day
comes, I must remain hidden, deep in the bowels of NEFGA territory,
terminating film canisters, Altoids tins and Hide-a-Keys, having my
strings pulled by the white robed puppet masters who run this
insane orginization..."
Till the end!!!
Edit to add: FTF prize is a silver Franklin half dollar. There's
an envelope for Turtletoes. Please leave that for her. Good
luck!