P.E.E.P.S. (The Connection)
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Seeketh thou not the truth, for sometimes the truth hast sharp, pointy fangs and doth goes "bump" in the night. Instead, seeketh yon ammo can! Hike trails to the river crossing, then it's only 200' of bushwhacking.
P.E.E.P.S. Preemptive Evolution Enhancement Probing System Thanx to the members of E.G.A.D.S. and Agent StarGazer, many truths have been revealed regarding the presence of alien life forms, and their activities within the Ocala National Forest. The link between extra terrestrial activity and the mineral Boron is now known, as well as the real purpose behind those black Suburbans. The missing link in the data has always been PEEPS. Those who possess the ability to look past outward appearances have known for years that those fluffy marshmallow treats were harbingers of evil, and as such, they surely must also play a role in the Conspiracy, yet, until now, that role remained hidden. I believe the truth should be known, which is why I have elected to present you with the facts, to do with as you will. It is no coincidence that PEEPS first showed up in candy isles in the late '40s. Following the Roswell crash, the alien horde recognized a need for controlled boron extraction, as well as needing a reliable method for targeting test subjects. PEEPS turned out to be the perfect solution for both problems. When the NSA developed PEEPS, they included an ingredient called mellaniatholamine-2. This chemical has but one purpose: increasing boron absorption in humans. Because of its unique molecular structure, mellaniatholamine-2 bonds with boron in lower intestinal tract tissue. The boron is later removed from the test subjects through a probe, inserted into a "sensitive" area. Human evolution created us to be sugar junkies, and PEEPS, which appear to be the personification of gooey, sugary goodness, are the perfect delivery system for mellaniatholamine-2. As you know, boron has a peculiar harmonic resonance which, when combined with trailer parks, can be detected utilizing off the shelf, consumer grade electronics. The aliens scan the planet's surface, searching for those unfortunate souls who have fallen to the PEEP temptation. With highly elevated boron levels, the victims are easy to locate, and with just a slight twist of the space/time continuum, they are "whooshed" aboard the starships, where the probing begins. It is my fervent argument that PEEPS must be held accountable for their role in the Conspiracy. They appeal directly to our tender hearts and taste buds, then betray us, smirking amongst themselves as we are taken away. Our mental suffering and loss of dignity is directly related to their actions, and there must be a reckoning, before all is lost. Don't be a victim of PEEPS subterfuge! Post Script: When the data was compiled and evaluated, a numeric anomaly was observed. Although alien abductions occur at a higher rate in trailer parks throughout the south, PEEP consumption appears to be highest in the San Francisco area. E.G.A.D.S. spokesperson Joe Merchant theorized, "I reckon them folks out in San Francisco must really like probing"
Additional Hints
(Decrypt)
Grgurerq gb gerr jvguva 2 sg bs perrx