Ask a local historian how Charles Sidney Dole made his millions and you’ll be told he was a grain merchant. Ask a local resident and you’ll be told Mr. Dole made his money,” in pineapples, of course.” But I’ll tell you the real truth behind Dole’s millions - he sold technology that was reverse engineered from an alien corpse. You probably thought I was going to say alien ship, but no, it was an Iron Giant from Uranus (if you have to ask why Uranus, you’re obviously not in the right frame of mind. My mind is suitable for framing, thank you very much).
In 1860, while on a hunting expedition around Crystal Lake, Charles Sidney Dole happened upon the remains of an alien Iron Giant. Quickly realizing the lucrative nature of the find he vaporized his hunting companions with one of the giant’s lasers. Acting a bit rashly, he also vaporized the horses to keep them quiet too. The long walk back to civilization allowed C.S.Dole the opportunity to construct his fiendish, diabolical, low-carbohydrate plan to sell alien technology to the highest bidder. The rest is history.
The Dole mansion was built by the shore of Crystal Lake and was powered by a secret Uranusian generator in the basement. He actually made so much money he had to load a train car full of gold and sink it to the bottom of the lake, but that’s another story.
Posted are the coordinates of the Iron Giant’s remains. Pay your respects quickly and then go home to your cd players and refrigerators and Pringles (all alien tech) as an enlightened geocacher. And don’t dilly-dally at ground zero. Charles Dole’s grave in Lake Avenue Cemetery is a hoax. His body was never found and I don’t like the look of his last known photograph.
Artist's Rendering of the Alien................ Last Known Photograph of C.S. Dole