The Tearing of the Tartan (CR-4)
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Difficulty:
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Size: 
(regular)
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Recommended parking area for this cache is at N 28º 41.219 W 81º 6.913.
You are seeking an ammo can near the Equestrian Trailhead of The Lil Big Econ State Forest. In this cache, as well as the others in this series, you’ll find a section of Angus Riffster’s tombstone. This needs to stay in the cache for reasons that will become obvious once you’ve read the cache guidelines at the bottom of the cache page of "Great Scot! (A Riffster's Tale). If you don’t plan on finding the 5th stage, you can ignore the tombstone pieces. Also, you'll need to give right of way to any mounted muggles whils't hiking on the equestrian trails.
Thanx!
Over time, Clan Riffster developed semipassable skills at woodsmanship, whils't fleeing like little French girls from the mighty McMuggle army. These skills allowed them to evade the army somewhat, however, they could never fully escape it. This apparent paradox can best be explained by the overall blatant ignorance of Clan Riffster, who were oft described by the McMuggles as being "Dumber than a bag of hammers".
King Floridus came to realize that his best chance at capturing the elusive Riffsters lay in using their odor against them, and brought in a pack of specially trained hunting rabbits to track them. These were not the cute fluffy bunnies we know today. Oh no! These rabbits were
vicious killers, hippity hopping through the underbrush with a vengeance, wanting nothing more than to tear their prey to shreds with their razor sharp incisors, or stomp them to a pulp with their powerful rear paws.
The only two drawbacks to using these bunnies was their pack mentality, and the fact that the King's soldiers feared them almost as much as Clan Riffster. The soldiers tended to stay back from the bunnies, which meant they weren't on hand to deal with the Riffsters when the rabbits found them, and, once the rabbits tracked them down, the entire pack would leap upon the slowest Riffster, stripping him or her to a skeleton, before continuing the hunt. This allowed Clan Riffster the time they needed to continue their evasion, whils't attempting to ferment some kind of defensive strategy.
The fleeing Riffsters made a startling discovery when one of the Clan, who happened to be carrying a bowl of fresh haggis, was brought down by the bunnie pack. Those bunnies who inadvertently ingested the haggis whils't shredding the Riffster became so violently ill that they would never eat flesh again. Learning from this observation, Clan Riffster gave all of their haggis to their slowest runners, which resulted in all but one of the King's prized hunting bunnies being turned into contemptible vegetarians.
The last fully functioning hunter/killer rabbit was a grizzled veteran of many a clash of arms, and was not about to be deceived by a bunch of haggis toting bipeds. He observed the Clan carefully, trying to ascertain who was the leader of the disorganized, horribly pungent
rabble fleeing before his wrath. This fluffy warrior noticed that the Clan carried a bolt of silly looking plaid cloth, passing it amongst themselves with reverence as they ran. The long eared death dealer figured that, if he could destroy this cloth, it might cause the Clan to stop long enough for the soldiers to engage them, so he circled around ahead of the Clan, and leapt at the appropriate moment, snatching the cloth from the Riffster currently carrying it.
With a few shakes of his mighty lepine head, the Tartan was shredded to a zillion pieces, which seemed to have the desired effect, in that the Clan stopped in their tracks. What the bunny didn't know was that the first stage in creating the Clan Riffster Tartan involves softening the
cloth in boiling haggis gravy. His taste buds revolted, his stomach forcefully emptied itself, and he hopped away into the forest in search of carrots, having been shamefully transformed from vicious carnivore to mild mannered herbivore.
The army approached. The final battle commenced....
Additional Hints
(Decrypt)
Frnepu nzbatfg gur tvnag'f gbrf