The Hostile Hospital Traditional Cache
Nomex: No response from owner. If you wish to repair/replace the cache sometime in the future, just contact us (by email), and assuming it meets the current guidelines, we'll be happy to unarchive it.
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Difficulty:
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Terrain:
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Size: 
(small)
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Another in a series of unfortunate caches, this cache is hidden near the now defunct Public Health Hospital, in San Francisco. Not too hard to find, please be stealthy so as to prevent unintentional discovery by friend or foe. The cache container a small camo painted container. Original contents include a travel sewing kit, logbook and stash note, pencil.
This cache is a tribute to the "Series of Unfortunate Events" children's books, written by a local San Francisco author extraordinaire, whose nom de plume is Lemony Snicket. Kilroy Boy has read the entire series of thirteen books. Kilory Boy's letter to you:
"Dear Fellow Cacher,
Before you throw this awful cache to the ground and run as far away from it as possible, you should probably know why. This cache is the only one which describes every last detail of the Baudelaire children's miserable stay at Heimlich Hospital, which makes it one of the most dreadful caches in the world.
There are many pleasant things to read about, but this cache page contains none of them. Within its accounts are such burdensome details as misleading newspaper headlines, unnecessary surgery, an intercom system, anesthesia, heart-shaped balloons, and some very startling news about such things.
We have sworn to research this story, and to write it down as best we can, so we should know that this cache is something best left hanging, where you undoubtedly found it (with thanks to Lemony Snicket.)"
With all due respect,
Kilroy Boy
Additional Hints
(Decrypt)
Jrfg raq bs lryybj oevpxf, unatvat sebz punva yvax srapr.