The Death March Traditional Cache
offline.cacher: No response from CO
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Difficulty:
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Terrain:
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Size: 
(small)
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Do you have the skill, determination, fortitude, AND THICK SKIN to get
past the BEAST and find the cache?
So there we were, minding our own business and taking a nice stroll in the woods on a crisp Sunday afternoon. Suddenly, we heard a loud roar and saw a HUGE TOOTHY BEAST smashing through the undergrowth! Quivering with fear, we snuck over and peered through the brush. There it was, a huge monster with hundreds...no thousands...no bazillions(!) of teeth stomping through the woods crushing everything in its path. Then, it saw it us! It bared its gnarly teeth and snarled! We turned and sprinted at full speed out of the woods and back to our car, screaming like banshees as we ran! We leaped into our car and sped madly home, where we sipped hot cocoa and tried to figure out what to do next...
Should we tell the police??? No, they'd never believe us.
Should we do nothing??? No, that wouldn't accomplish anything.
Should we set traps???
Yes!!! That's it! And let's disguise it as a geocache!!!! That'll fool the BEAST!
So, we grabbed a decon container, a prayer book, full body armor, and the GPSr, and off we went!!! When we got there, we found nothing. No evidence that the BEAST was ever even there. We looked and looked and kept exploring until...wait a minute! It seemed that we had chanced upon the BEAST's abode! There were thousands and thousands of his teeth all over the ground and stuck to the trees. Lifeless yet treacherous, they grabbed at us as we passed. We crept in stealthily, carefully avoiding the masticating molars malevolently manifest in the many merciless brambles and found the perfect place to hide the "container of doom." We placed it carefully and logged the coordinates. Then, once again, we ran like banshees back to the car and went home.
Our adventure was over, but it's only beginning for you.
You should be able to locate the cache easily enough, but getting to it and retrieving it will be the hardest part. We recommend that if you try to brave the BEAST you wear full body armor (long pants, sunglasses, a towel, and a long-sleeve shirt) to help protect you from the teeth of the BEAST. It may take you a while to plot the best route in, but there is no way that involves no pain. Please rehide the cache exactly as you find it to stop the BEAST from eating it and bypassing the trap.
Enjoy!
Additional Hints
(Decrypt)
Vg'f nobir lbhe urnq.