It was so good to bump into you today! I’m glad to see that you returned safely from your safari … from the photos you took, it seems like you and Ivy got a rare glimpse at a true utopia. It must be an unpleasant dose of reality to be back with us yokels after being away so long. I can’t believe the size of the rat that you caught raiding your camp supplies … who knew that they could grow so large?
Things have been tough for me here. My little lady and I had a horrible fight the other night, and she threw me out on the welcome mat. I had to beg Meg for a second chance, but she wouldn’t let me back in … “You men are all alike!” she shouted as she slammed the door in my face. Maybe Ben will let me stay with him for a few days while she cools off.
What set her off this time was my latest purchase on eBay. It all started when I found a great deal on something I’ve been craving for a long time. You know how much I love cryptography, right? Well, I found a man named Pat in Belgium who had an authentic Enigma machine from the German military for sale! The case was perfect, the rotors turned smoothly, the keys were all functional, and the wiring in the reflector and the plugboard was solid.
Well, the little lady wasn’t happy about the $3,000 I spent on it. I don’t know why she’s so upset about it – she knows how much toys like that mean to me! She kept going on and on about “new dishwasher” this and “new washer and dryer” that … I mean, c’mon! I mean, those would be nice and all, but she was being totally insensitive to my needs. She kept hollering “Either that machine goes or I go!”
So, I sent it back. Then I went home with a bottle of wine, a crimson rose, and a chocolate bon bon for her and begged her to take me back. She agreed on one condition – a complete ban on my eBay purchases. Begrudgingly, I agreed.
Since the ban, my pet project has been to build my own Enigma machine. I’ve got a somewhat simplified prototype working. It has three rotors, but it’s missing the reflector, the plugboard, the lampboard, and the keyboard. At this time, it can only generate numbers … I’m still working on getting it to generate letters. I’ve moved it to the coordinates on the note attached to this letter, if you care to see it for yourself. It’s so easy to use, even a child could operate it.
I’ve hidden the plans from the little lady in case she gets any “funny ideas” involving a “new microwave” or something. She’s been going through my workshop and getting rid of all the things she thinks are “useless”, tossing anything she can get her hands on into the trash bin. Can you believe it? Sheesh!
That’s why I need your help … she must not get a hold of my design notes! I’ve hidden my notebook in a small, transparent, green plastic container, stashed nearby my prototype. I used my prototype to encrypt the coordinates of the container’s location, and hid the coordinates in the text of this letter. Please keep this letter in a safe and secure location.