World-renowned large lizard expert Prof. Bat Man Du recently returned from a research expedition to Indonesia. Geocaching News caught up with him in his Colorado Springs penthouse apartment.
GN: Dr. Du, I hear you photographed something no one had ever recorded before.
BMD: Herpetologists are very excited. A little anaconda took twin eaglets!
GN: Good thing it didn't get you! Did you eat anything unusual down there to keep snakes away?
BMD: Turtles have incredible ribs that you eat in grass huts. They're fried in flat tins. 
GN: Around here, diamondbacks are what everyone worries about, not anacondas.
BMD: You Texans have rattlesnakes eating everything.
GN: Indonesia gets a lot of earthquakes. I've heard that animals act funny just before earthquakes.
BMD: Predators of iguanas, Nigerian tree snakes, even venomous eastern nymphs flee over rough terrain. Yes, sir, it's xanthic. 
GN: What's the fiercest, scariest, most awe-inspiring creature you saw?
BMD: Depends. Recently I noticed Komodo Dragons out west near Tuscon, Arizona. Zillions of teeth eat anything!
GN: Why did you go someplace so hot for your research? Indonesia is right on the equator.
BMD: Only Nanooks ever head up north. Drilling ruins everything.
GN: Yeah, oil drilling in the Arctic--that's one of my hot-buttons!
BMD: Drills find oil under roads -- find it, foul the Yukon. Poor old Inuits.
GN: I suppose traveling in the Arctic is more difficult than in the tropics.
BMD: No, that's not it! Northern Expeditions has umiaks. No darn reptile environment, Duncehead!
GN: Well, Dragon-man, did you make any other important discoveries on your expedition?
BMD: Snake Egg Vitamin E naturally tickles your soul energy.
GN: And what's this research report I'm looking at here?
BMD: Vital evidence newts are near death--almost frozen.
GN: Any final insightful words for us Dunceheads?
BMD: Reptiles are perfect pets. Uptown crocodiles cuddle in nests outside.