Northern Fried Stuff:
First you take a boar (278,976 calories) smother it in bacon fat
(224,765 cal).
Let sit three hours. Now take 63 cubes of butter (296,456 cal) mix
with 12 pounds sugar (516,734 cal).
Add 18 dozen eggs (168,369 cal) stir until creamy. Roll the boar in
the mix. Bury in hot coal pit and bake for 23 hours.
Serve hot.
Turkey with Coronary stuffing:
Take one turkey (138,968 cal) stuff with a roasted duck (135,563
cal) stuffed with a basted chicken (133,423 cal) and finally stuff
in a Cornish hen (132,675 cal).
Soak in Southern Comfort & Orange Juice (178,234 cal) for 48
hours.
Deep fry in used K.F.C. oil ( 1,120,545 cal) for 20 mins per
pound.
Let cool and serve with Sweetened Cornbread (156,389 cal)
Fried Green tomato’s with TATERS:
43 pounds of Folsom Taters (that’s about five good ones) 27 ripe
green tomatoes.
Grind them up real good and fry in E.V.O.O. (had to throw in a
little R.R.) till nice & crispy and sprinkle with brown sugar
(358,000 cal). Enjoy with 1 bud light (167 cal). Yes, I said one……
You don’t want to ruin that nice figure.
Now for dessert.
Western Cheesecake:
43 pounds cream cheese (2,845,763 cal) 36 quarts of Kewl Whip
(4,253,639 cal) 14 doz egg whites (678,294 cal) 17 pounds white
sugar (999,321 cal) 23 gallons heavy cream (1,234,669 cal).
Mix well and pour into bathtub. Steam cook for 18 days, 6 hrs and
33 mins or until family REALLY needs a bath.
Twice Fried Twinkies:
Well, you’ve heard of twice baked potatoes. Now its Twinkies
turn.
First you cover the Twinkie in butter & sugar (521,960 cal).
Then deep-fry for 14 mins.
Let cool and scoop out the Twinkie, mix insides with dark chocolate
(1,578,500 cal) and replace inside Twinkie. Return to fryer and
remove when hideously ugly. Add one teaspoon of nitroglycerine for
flavor (195 cal).
Gather the family and get to gobbling.
Disclaimer: Owner is not responsible for any injuries incurred
during the course of this meal.
May cause slight discomfort or heart attack. If hunger lasts longer
than 4 hrs please see a physician.