Good day, Earthling, I am the Plutonian ambassador to this third planet from the sun, which we call “ghiunwununchiizxte” (blue ball that changes its white hairdo very, very often). I’m writing to you to ask for support on a very important issue for all Plutonians.
For most of your life, Pluto has been known as that tiny ninth planet, the furthest from the sun. As you probably know, in August, 2006 Pluto was reclassified as a dwarf planet and given the new name “134340 Pluto”. In fact, the American Dialect Society named as its 2006 Word of the Year “to pluto”, meaning "to demote or devalue someone or something.” (reference) That stings.
We Plutonians are a reasonable folk and understand that other bodies like Eris (larger than Pluto) and Ceres (smaller than Pluto) have been discovered recently and we have no real problem with the designation of Pluto as a dwarf planet. Fair is fair.
But here’s the thing. About one month before the reclassification, we just bought team jackets! And when I say “we” I mean the entire planet! The problem is there’s no way to fit in “dwarf” or the new name "134340 Pluto" onto the jacket crests, so now we’re stuck with warehouses full of spanking new leather jackets that we can’t wear.
Sure we probably could do an “yrwohgow” (“infomercial”) on Earth; word around the solar system has it you can unload almost anything this way. But we really look forward to wearing the jackets.
That’s where you come in. We’re asking you to sign a petition to reinstate Pluto as a planet. That way we can all wear our new jackets and look real sharp when visitors come calling.
Here’s how we do petitions on Pluto: we don’t approach people to ask them to sign, that’s far too forward. We hide the petition in the “uahdhesd” (woods) and have people go find the petition and sign it. You’ll find the petition capsule at the above coords. Please sign and date and, if you’re so inclined, give the powers that be a reason why Pluto should become a full-fledged planet again.
Just to let you know, similar petitions are being arranged across the solar system and you should know your voice will be added to that of other concerned life forms. Thank you for your support.
Update as of June, 2008: Your support is obviously having an effect. Instead of being called a dwarf planet, Pluto has now been classed as a “Plutoid”. All newly discovered “small round things beyond Neptune that orbit the sun and have lots of rocky neighbors” will be classed as a Plutoid. That’s great and it helps our collective self-esteem and all, but really doesn’t do much about our jacket situation. Let's keep the pressure on! Keep those signatures coming!