Bob the bear!
He caused a political scare!
He gobbled the Town-
ship Council down,
Then he finished them off with the Mayor!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr! That kind of distortion is so typical of the
mainstream media!
What actually happened is that my property taxes went through
the roof and then they tried to condemn my cave to build a
nature center! A clear case of eminent domain abuse!!! So I went to
the Council meeting to voice my opinion on the matter. Well, I was
a bit peeved, and also hungry, which explains the unfortunate
circumstances that happened afterward. Sorry about the mess in the
Council Chambers. I'll clean it up later. Or the buzzards will.
In any case, there now needs to be a special election, so I'm
running for Township Council. The whole Council. Better than
running from them!!! I'm on the GOP ticket -- the Grizzly Overlords
Party.
This is my platform:
- No platforms! That is, no hunting platforms!
- End the New Jersey bear hunt, immediately!
- Stock Six Mile Run with trout. Five times a day. And plant lots
of berries.
- Leave the lids off your garbage cans.
- Encourage geocachers, children, and dogs to walk along the Red
Trail in Six Mile Run State Park. Especially little dogs. I am
particularly fond of fox terriers, with Bearnaise sauce and
scalloped potatoes.
- Take the Red Trail from the parking lot on Jaques
Lane.
- Take a left turn off the trail and onto the edge of the field
when you get close. (More thorns will be in the way if you stay on
the Red Trail!)
- There is a little poison ivy near the cache, so be
careful.
If elected, I promise to not devour dollarbell, who found
my old cache after some muggle human stole it. And I promise to
support the right to keep and arm bears.
Vote early and often!
First to find: tmmiller