Major Tom Traditional Cache
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(micro)
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Ground control to Major Tom: Your circuit's dead. There's something wrong. Can you hear me Major Tom? Can you hear me Major Tom?
NOTE: The "dangerous area" attribute ONLY applies if you ride to this thing with Jess.
You are looking for an escape pod from a failed interstellar research mission.
Major Tom undertook to journey across the cosmos in order to preserve and restore his honor. On his home planet, he had gained the reputation of being the worst operator of mechanical contrivances in the history of his civilization. Despite being a veritable genius in other regards, he was crushed by the shame of being such a lousy driver. Unable to endure the ridicule this distinction brought him, he set out to search the cosmos for a sentient being that was an even worse driver than himself. After eons of searching, he had began to doubt any driver was worse then himself, when suddenly, the alarm on his ships suck-o-meter blared! It had detected concentrated pulse of ineptitude that could only be emitted by THE worst driver in the universe! The dials indicated a driver so awful she registered suck factor seven! (Major Tom had previously been measured as high as suck factor five on a scale of one-five, considered the maximum possible until this new discovery!) Yay! Major Tom was able to detect the exact location of this horrific driver, and so set out for a planet called Earth, a country called The United States, a state called Indiana, and a city called Ellettsville. Unfortunately for Major Tom, he managed to destroy most of the vital systems on his space craft during re-entry. (He really should never operate anything more complicated than a moon rock..) At the last minute, he did manage to eject in a tiny life support pod. It turns out he did bring it in for a landing, and not far from the abode of the worst driver in the universe! But, as luck would have it, the life pod is a single use craft. So he's stuck now, and awaits you to come visit, and sign his register of visitors.
WARNING: The worst driver in the universe does, in fact, live a short distance from this cache. If you seek it, and see a vehicle being driven by a slightly built young lady wearing glasses... RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! And do not, under any circumstances, accept a ride!
CONGRATULATIONS AND A MONSTERCAT SHOUTOUT TO JMTHOMPS FOR MAKING IT TO THE CRASH SITE FIRST! TOO BAD, JESS, YOU SNOOZE (or leave the state) YOU LOOSE!
Additional Hints
(Decrypt)
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