As I was perusing some archaic documents in the Florida Maritime Museum, I came across a captain's log which revealed a most interesting tale, with connections to my family.
In 1674, Cap'n Shamus Boonie, famed explorer, had been tasked with mapping the Intercoastal waterways of the Spanish territory of Florida. His vessel, the twin mast sloop Katie's Vision, was known by sight by the local Spaniards, and native persons alike, as Cap'n Boonie had made quite a name for himself as a person of honor, so it was expected that this mission would be completed without incident.
Those who made such predictions failed to take into account the dimwit factor...
As Katie's Vision sailed up an unnamed river which branched westward from the River of Saint John, the lookout spotted a strangely garbed person, fair of skin, though foul of odor, standing on the shore. Cap'n Boonie fetched him aboard, learning that he was a Scot, (which explained the skirt and the body odor), who had been made homeless by a recent battle to the north. (See CR-2)
This Scotsman, my great, great etc Uncle Goohber Riffster, had no more ethics than he did hygiene, and seeing a chance at a free ride, prevaricated most thoroughly, convincing Cap'n Boonie that he was a seasoned sailor, and would make a worthy addition to the crew. Cap'n Boonie, being a trusting soul, fell under Goohber's spell, hiring him on the spot.
Goohber convinced Cap'n Boonie that the river was impassable further west, and that they should turn about, sailing back to the River of Saint John. After drifting east a mile or so, Cap'n Boonie decided to stop for the evening, telling Goohber, "Anchors Away!". Goohber had no idea why his new boss wanted to discard such a fine looking anchor, but he knew better than to argue with his captain, and promptly untied the anchor from its line, tossing it overboard.
Cap'n Boonie, feeling his vessel drifting with the current, thought that the anchor might need to be redeployed, and yelled at Goohber, "Weigh Anchor!", which confused Goohber even more. He asked Cap'n Boonie how he could weigh the bloody anchor when he had just been ordered to throw it away. Cap'n Boonie realized at that moment that he had brought a complete buffoon aboard his beloved vessel, and had Goohber put ashore.
Goohber, being just a tad bit larcenous, had swiped Katie's Vision's strong box, hiding it under his kilt, and when he was tossed off the boat, bouncing along the shore, kilt a flying, Cap'n Boonie saw the box Goohber had stolen, and immediately gave chase. Goohber, thinking to outwit Cap'n Boonie, climbed up a nearby tree, hiding amongst the foliage. Fortunately, for Cap'n Boonie, Goohber failed to take into account his incredibly repulsive body odor. Cap'n Boonie simply followed his nose, climbed up after Goohber, whacked him in the head with the flat of his saber, and recovered his crew's earnings.
Cap'n Boonie had never met someone with such a low IQ, and sought to memorialize this incident firmly in the annals of history by naming the river where this adventure had unfolded after the smelly, skirt wearing twit who had caused him so much grief. He asked a member of the local Timicuan tribe how to say, "Dumber than a bag of hammers" in his native tongue, and the answer was "Eee-con-lock-hat-chee".
Now you know...
Replicate this historical event by splashing your kayak at the Snow Hill Rd bridge, where Goohber joined the crew of Katie's Vision, paddle downstream about two and a half miles, to the posted coordinates, where Goohber was tossed off the ship, and hunt for a soda bottle preform containing the coordinates to the final, located where the hunt for Goohber ended. The strong box off of Katie's Vision can be found there.
For the rest of the Riffster Clan's history, please follow this link: http://www.geocaching.com/bookmarks/view.aspx?guid=7b925439-0bcb-474f-8757-7e0af1194cb5
Enjoy!