Blessed are the Cheesemakers
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The audience members at the back of the crowd are having trouble hearing the Sermon on the Mount.
Muggle: I think it was, "Blessed are the cheesemakers"!
Geocacher: What's so special about the cheesemakers?
Approver: Well, obviously it's not meant to be taken literally. It refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.
GEOCACHER:
Good Morning.
APPROVER:
Good morning, sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium.
GEOCACHER:
Ah, thank you my good man.
APPROVER:
What can I do for you, sir?
GEOCACHER:
Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Hill Street just now, skimming through Stanthorpe Memories by Henry Lawson, and I suddenly came over all peckish.
APPROVER:
Peckish, sir?
GEOCACHER:
Esurient.
APPROVER:
Eh?
GEOCACHER:
(In a broad Australian accent) Eee I were all hungry, like.
APPROVER:
Ah, hungry.
GEOCACHER:
In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, 'a little fermented curd will do the trick'. So I curtailed my Lawson activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles.
APPROVER:
Come again?
GEOCACHER:
I want to buy some cheese.
APPROVER:
Certainly, sir. What would you like?
GEOCACHER:
Well, eh, how about a little Red Leicester?
APPROVER:
I'm afraid we're fresh out of Red Leicester, sir.
GEOCACHER:
Oh never mind, how are you on Milel?
APPROVER:
I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir. We get it fresh on Monday.
GEOCACHER:
Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Yaul, if you please.
APPROVER:
Ah. It's been on order, sir, for two weeks. I was expecting it this morning.
GEOCACHER:
It's not my lucky day, is it? Er, Bel Paese?
APPROVER:
Sorry, sir.
GEOCACHER:
Red Windsor?
APPROVER:
Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.
GEOCACHER:
Ah. Stilton?
APPROVER:
Sorry.
GEOCACHER:
Emmental? Gruyère?
APPROVER:
No.
GEOCACHER:
Any Norwegian Jarlsberger, per chance?
APPROVER:
No.
GEOCACHER:
Liptauer?
APPROVER:
No.
GEOCACHER:
Mersey Valley?
APPROVER:
No.
GEOCACHER:
White Stilton?
APPROVER:
No.
GEOCACHER:
Danish Blue?
APPROVER:
No.
GEOCACHER:
Double Gloucester?
APPROVER:
..... No.
GEOCACHER:
Cheshire?
APPROVER:
No.
GEOCACHER:
Dorset Blue Vinney?
APPROVER:
No.
GEOCACHER:
Brie, Roquefort, Pont-l'Évêque, Port Salut, Savoyard, Saint-Paulin, Carre-de-L'Est, Bresse-Bleu, Boursin?
APPROVER:
No.
GEOCACHER:
Camembert, perhaps?
APPROVER:
Ah! We have Camembert, yes sir.
GEOCACHER:
You do! Excellent.
APPROVER:
Yes, sir. It's, ah ..... it's a bit runny.
GEOCACHER:
Oh, I like it runny.
APPROVER:
Well, it's very runny, actually, sir.
GEOCACHER:
No matter. Fetch hither le fromage de la Belle France! M-mmm!
APPROVER:
I think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.
GEOCACHER:
I don't care how runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
APPROVER:
Oh .....
GEOCACHER:
What now?
APPROVER:
The cat's eaten it.
GEOCACHER:
Has he?
APPROVER:
She, sir.
GEOCACHER:
Gouda?
APPROVER:
No.
GEOCACHER:
Edam?
APPROVER:
No.
GEOCACHER:
Caithness?
APPROVER:
No.
GEOCACHER:
Smoked Austrian?
APPROVER:
No.
GEOCACHER:
Japanese Sage Darby?
APPROVER:
No, sir.
GEOCACHER:
You do have some cheese, do you?
APPROVER:
Of course, sir. It's a cheese shop, sir. We've got .....
GEOCACHER:
No, no, don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.
APPROVER:
Fair enough.
GEOCACHER:
Greek Feta?
APPROVER:
Ah, not as such.
GEOCACHER:
Er, Gorgonzola?
APPROVER:
No.
GEOCACHER:
Parmesan?
APPROVER:
No.
GEOCACHER:
Mozzarella?
APPROVER:
No.
GEOCACHER:
Pippo Crème?
APPROVER:
No.
GEOCACHER:
Danish Fimboe?
APPROVER:
No.
GEOCACHER:
Czech sheep's milk?
APPROVER:
No.
GEOCACHER:
Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?.
APPROVER:
Not today, sir, no.
GEOCACHER:
Ah, how about Cheddar?
APPROVER:
Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.
GEOCACHER:
Not much ca- It's the single most popular cheese in the world!
APPROVER:
Not round here, sir.
GEOCACHER:
And what is the most popular cheese round here?
APPROVER:
Ilchester, sir.
GEOCACHER:
Is it.
APPROVER:
Oh yes, sir. It's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.
GEOCACHER:
Is it.
APPROVER:
It's our number-one best seller, sir.
GEOCACHER:
I see. Ah, Ilchester, eh?
APPROVER:
Right, sir.
GEOCACHER:
All right. Okay. Have you got any, he asked expecting the answer no?
APPROVER:
I'll have a look, sir ..... nnnnnnooooooooo.
GEOCACHER:
It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?
APPROVER:
Finest in the district, sir.
GEOCACHER:
Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
APPROVER:
Well, it's so clean, sir.
GEOCACHER:
It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese.
APPROVER:
You haven't asked me about Limberger, sir.
GEOCACHER:
Is it worth it?
APPROVER:
Could be.
GEOCACHER:
Have you got any Limburger?
APPROVER:
No.
GEOCACHER:
That figures. Predictable really, I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me:
APPROVER:
Yes, sir?
GEOCACHER:
Have you in fact got any cheese here at all?
APPROVER:
Yes, sir.
GEOCACHER:
Really?
APPROVER:
No. Not really, sir.
GEOCACHER:
You haven't.
APPROVER:
No, sir, not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir.
Additional Hints
(Decrypt)
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