1,999,999th Geocache and Still Vista's Best Trail
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This cache is recognized and confirmed as the 1,999,999th active geocache! It’s laughably trivial to figure out which cache is the 2,000,000th active cache. Far more difficult was deriving that nanosecond BEFORE the 2,000,000th cache existed. We accepted that challenge and prevailed.
A few years ago, to identify the 1,000,000th active cache (GC24QG8), we relied on history’s greatest scientists and mathematicians. This time, to identify the 1,999,999th active cache, we decided to use anti-science.
To gain a better sense of the nature of Earth, we started with the most plausible of the competing theories of Earth’s origin. We thus immersed ourselves in the comets of Immanuel Velikovsky and Ignatius Donnelly, and the moons of Hans Horbiger, and Hans Schindler Bellamy. Who could argue with their airtight conclusions?
We couldn’t decide which was true: a flat Earth, an Earth made up of multiple concentric spheres, or a hollow Earth. Since knowing where one is on Earth is vital to geocaching, we needed to orient ourselves and started, of course, with the theories of the nature of our planet formulated, refined, and perfected by Wilbur Glenn Voliva, John Cleves Symmes, Marshall B. Gardner, and Cyrus Reed Teed
After immersing ourselves in the works of Charles Hoy Fort we moved on to Alfred William Lawson, undoubtedly known to you as “Supreme Head and First Knowlegian at the University of Lawsonomy”, for the background we needed to bypass Newton’s Laws. To skirt Einstein we consulted Albert Cushing Crehore, Edward A. Milne, Georges de Bothezat, Thomas A. Graydon, and George Francis Gillette.
Geocaching deals with knowing where on Earth we are and how naturally occurring forces affect us, so we regularly consulted the resources of the Gravity Research Foundation. And to help in our search for a specific site for this cache, we had obvious need for the writings of Henri Mager and those others who made doodlebugs their life’s work.
So as not to be caught unawares by spontaneous generation of a cache, we depended heavily on the insight of Morley Martin as described in the report of his experiments published in 1948 by the Borderland Science Research Associates of San Diego, as well as the groundbreaking work of Charles Wentworth Littlefield.
Recognizing that there are enormous truths regarding the Earth buried in the construction of the Great Pyramid of Egypt, we relied on the revelations of John Taylor and Charles Piazzi Smyth. And finally, to perfectly balance the confluence of all forces worldwide, we used the impossible-to-assail arguments of the Rosicrucians, a local Reiki Master, and the enormously portentous implications of the Golden Ratio.
After all that, the establishment of this, the 1,999,999th active geocache was child’s play.
Additional Hints
(Decrypt)
Va gur Irr