The Secret of Monkey Island is a 1990 point-and-click graphic adventure game. It takes place in a fantastic version of the Caribbean during the age of piracy. The player assumes the role of Guybrush Threepwood, a young man who dreams of becoming a pirate and explores fictional islands while solving puzzles. Filled with unlikely characters and oddball humour, the game is widely regarded as one of the finest examples of the genre.
At the beginning of the game, Guybrush arrives on the fictional Mêlée Island, with the desire to become a pirate. He seeks out the island's pirate leaders, who set him three trials that he must complete in order to fulfill his ambition. The first of these trials is THE ART OF THE SWORD. To prove he has mastered this piratical skill, Guybrush must defeat the fearsome Sword Master in a duel.
The secret to winning swordfights is to use insults on your opponents. Guybrush goes out to practise his swordfighting techniques against various pirates roaming the island at night. As he fights an increasing number of them, he picks up a set of insults and witty comebacks which he will need to defeat the Sword Master. At every insult, he must choose the correct response to gain an advantage over his opponent. Here is the full set of insults and comebacks that Guybrush learns:
Insult: You fight like a dairy farmer.
Comeback: How appropriate. You fight like a cow. 67
Insult: This is the END for you, you gutter-crawling cur!
Comeback: And I've got a little TIP for you, get the POINT? 2
Insult: Soon you'll be wearing my sword like a shish kebab!
Comeback: First you better stop waving it like a feather-duster. 08
Insult: My handkerchief will mop up your blood!
Comeback: So you got that job as janitor, after all. 20
Insult: People fall at my feet when they see me coming.
Comeback: Even BEFORE they smell your breath? 51
Insult: I once owned a dog that was smarter then you.
Comeback: He must have taught you everything you know. 16
Insult: You make me want to puke.
Comeback: You make me think somebody already did. 36
Insult: Nobody's ever drawn blood from me and nobody ever will.
Comeback: You run THAT fast? 63
Insult: I got this scar on my face during a mighty struggle!
Comeback: I hope now you've learned to stop picking your nose. 5
Insult: Have you stopped wearing diapers yet?
Comeback: Why, did you want to borrow one? 14
Insult: I've heard you were a contemptible sneak.
Comeback: Too bad no one's ever heard of YOU at all. 27
Insult: You're no match for my brains, you poor fool.
Comeback: I'd be in real trouble if you ever used them. 11
Insult: You have the manners of a beggar.
Comeback: I wanted to make sure you'd feel comfortable with me. 3
Insult: I'm not going to take your insolence sitting down!
Comeback: Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh? 12
Insult: There are no words for how disgusting you are.
Comeback: Yes there are. You just never learned them. 1
Insult: I've spoken with apes more polite than you.
Comeback: I'm glad to hear you attended your family reunion. 94
Using this knowledge, Guybrush manages to defeat many pirates, sending their swords flying out of their hands and through the air to land in a nearby bush or tree. He is now ready to fight the Sword Master! He finds his way to the Sword Master’s house, which stands in a clearing in the forest. However, when he finally challenges the Sword Master, he finds that her insults are completely different to those he’s heard before!
A. “There are no insults you can use to defeat me!”
B. “You can’t even touch me and you know it!”
C. “You talk like a simpleton, and you act like a fool!”
D. “Even the bravest pirates flee when I step into the room!”
E. “Everybody on this island's heard of my legendary sword!”
F. “I’m going to wipe you out, you dirty scumbag!”
Are you smart enough to use your knowledge to outwit the Sword Master, and capture her sword?
Some notes about the cache:
- The cache is not at the given coordinates. But you may see some pirate ships there.
- PLEASE be very respectful of the hiding place and do not damage it. If caching in a group, delegate the lightest person to retrieve the cache.
- Before removing the cache, please take note of how the cache is attached. Remove the whole thing, and after signing, return it to the same position using the attachments provided and secure it FIRMLY.
- There are two words written on the logsheet with a black border round them. Make a note of them for future use. Remember, this is only the first of three trials.
- The logsheet is made of special waterproof paper. Pencil or ballpoint pen work best, gel pen doesn’t.
- Please don’t post pictures of the cache, the logsheet or the hiding place. Any spoilers will be deleted. Thanks!
- The other caches in this series so far are Monkey Island: 2. The Art of Thievery and Monkey Island: 3. The Art of Treasure Huntery.