Yeah, That's the Ticket! Mystery Cache

Greetings, lesser persons! Tommy Flanagan here. As you can plainly see by the big blue question mark at the upper left, this is an Unknown cache. That means it’s a Mystery, a Puzzle, an Enigma. Sorta like me! Some cachers will be able to figure it out very quickly. Others, not so much! Why, it’s so simple, any child could solve it!

My wife, Morgan Fairchild (who I have seen naked), provided the inspiration for this cache while we were traveling to our summer home aboard our smaller yacht. In the photo below, you can see a few of our loyal staff who had gathered to greet us.

We had hardly set foot off the yacht when an old acquaintance approached to ask for a small loan, just a few million. I refused, gently reminding him I had already helped him out once. “Personal computers will become very popular”, I told him and his friend Paul back in 1975. “Maybe you should try to write some microcomputer software,” I said.

They thought it might be better than selling shoes, and they came up with the name CompuWare. I suggested they use the beginning parts of the words instead.

A few weeks later, a former college classmate of mine (who used to cheat off my exams and copy my research papers) Skyped me to ask me what I thought of CERN’s Large Hadron Collider and the Higgs Boson particle. Here's the answer I gave him: “They better be careful or we might all end up being attached to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis!” This made him laugh so hard, his milk came out his nose, just like in college!

So, if you want to find this cache, I mean this buried treasure – yeah, that’s the ticket – it’s a huge treasure chest filled with Pieces of Eight, no wait, I mean Pieces of TWELVE! Yeah! There are also British Sovereigns, French Doubloons and Spanish Macaroons -  you gotta solve the puzzle. I mean you gotta solve the riddle. Yeah! Solve the riddle. No, wait! It’s a rebus. Yeah, that’s the ticket! Solve the rebus. A big, red double-decker rebus…

The cache, I mean the treasure is not at the posted coordinates. Or is it? Yeah, it is at the posted coordinates. Wait a second - that would mean it’s not a puzzle, so no, no, no you won’t find it there.

Let me see... Ooh! I know. You’ll have to do a projection in order to make the find. Uh, hang on a second, I meant to say you’ll need a projector to see the cache. Yeah, a projector... an IMAX projector. In 3D! Yeah, that’s the ticket. And a 90-inch, no wait! a 9-foot screen! Yeah! Nine feet!

And for a FTF prize there’s an ammo can full of shiny new Krugerrands inside. Yeah, that’s the ticket!

So here's the puzzle. Be careful, it's really tricky! Smart Canadian cachers will be in control, eh!

1. Morgan Fairchild
2. Molly Fletcher
3. Patsy Ann McClenny <--- RIGHT ANSWER = 16 letters
4. Gertrude Sawatzky

Calculate B/(C x D), multiply that by A then divide by 2. That's how far southwest along the West Cypress Creek Trail you will need to travel from the posted coordinates to find the cache! 744 metres

Remember, I'm Tommy Flanagan, and I invented geocaching! It came to me right after I invented the GPS! In fact, I designed and built - by hand - every satellite that's in orbit right now. Yeah, that's the ticket!