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The Gift, A Poem by G.P. Staffordshire
Twas the night before Christmas and Santa is a wreck,
How do you live in a world that's overly politically correct?
His workers can no longer be called "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" is what they’re calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole,
are alleged by the unions, to stifle the soul.
The reindeer had vanished without much propriety,
released to the wilds, by the Humane Society.
The runners had been removed from his beautiful sleigh,
because the ruts were deemed dangerous by the EPA,
And millions of people were calling the Cops,
when they heard sled noises upon their roof tops.
To show you the strangeness of today's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose.
He went to Opra, in front of the Nation,
demanding millions in over-due workers compensation.
And as for the gifts, he'd never had the notion
that making a choice could cause such commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur...
Which meant nothing for him or nothing for her.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot,
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls and nothing for just boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific,
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth,
and nothing of plastic ‘cause for the landfill it’s uncooth,
all must be good for society's thoughts psychological,
and be okay-ed by everyone as 100% ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone might get hurt,
besides - playing sports exposes kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passé,
and no more Nintendo which rots your brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled and perplexed,
he just couldn't figure out what to do next?
Something special was needed, a gift that he might,
give to us all, without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy - with no indecision,
each group of people in every religion.
So here is that gift,
it's priced beyond any worth,
May you and your loved ones
enjoy peace on the Earth.