THE SIXTH TALE OF THE MERRY MEN OF GOTHAM
THERE were two men of Gotham: Jack was on his way to the market to buy sheep while Fred was coming from the market and they met together on a bridge over the river.
‘Hello young Jack,’ said Fred, ‘Where are you headed?’ ‘I’m off the market to buy some sheep,’ said Jack. ‘Excellent,’ said Fred, ‘and which way will you bring them home?’ ‘Well, I’ll bring them back over this bridge replied Jack. ‘Oh I wouldn’t do that,’ said Fred. ‘There’s better routes you could take…’ ‘Well I’m happy with this one,’ said Jack, who thought that Fred was inclined to be a know-all and needed putting in his place. ‘You always were a pig-headed fool, Jack. Take good advice when you’re given it’ insisted Fred. ‘Good advice? From a drunken old fool like you?’ said Jack, ‘Go home and sleep it off, Fred. My sheep will come back over this bridge!’ Fred was very annoyed at the suggestion that he was drunk. He’d had a few ales at market but he was absolutely not drunk. He was taking no more cheek from this arrogant youth. ‘I’ll be damned if they will!’ shouted Fred ‘Then damned you’ll be,’ shouted Jack ‘Your sheep will not cross this bridge!’ yelled Fred ‘My sheep will definitely cross this bridge!’ roared Jack ‘They most certainly will not!’ roared Fred right back at him. ‘They most certainly will!’ cried Jack and beat his shepherd’s crook on the ground. Fred yelled back at him and he beat his crook upon the ground –
And so they stood on the bridge, yelling at one another and beating their sticks upon the ground as if they had a hundred sheep between them – when along came Henry, going home to Gotham from the market with a sack of grain on his back. He’d had a successful time at the market and, with one or two ales inside him, he was full of benign good intentions to all the world. Seeing his neighbours in such a state, he knew that his wisdom would soon bring peace between them. He asked them why they were arguing. Hearing that all their strife was about sheep when neither of them had any sheep with them, he shook his head and said, ’Ah fools! Will you never learn sense? Look, let me show you just how daft you’re being. Give me a hand with this sack of grain.’
So Jack and Fred helped Henry unload the bag of grain and carried it to the side of the bridge, then Henry opened the sack and began to shake the grain inside over the bridge and into the river below. When it was all gone, he turned to his neighbours and asked’ ‘Well now, boys – How much meal is there in the sack?’ ‘None,’ they replied. ‘Now wouldn’t it be silly to argue about a sack with nothing in it?’ said Henry brightly. ‘This just shows how silly it is to argue over something that you don’t have.’ Pleased with his own brilliance, Henry slung his empty sack over his shoulder and strolled across the bridge and home to Gotham, leaving Jack and Fred scratching their heads in bewilderment. Now which was the wisest of all these three persons I leave you to judge.