FROM: Royal Canadian Mounted Police
TO: Wisconsin Geocachers
Subject: Hoax
Excuse me, but can you ignorant peasants be bothered to rouse yourselves from the puddle of steaming offal you call LPS hides long enough to hear what I have to say? You are apparently too dimwitted and unbelievably naïve enough to not have noticed the cacher known as Great White North has pulled the wool over your sign post seeking eyes.
You mean to tell me you believe some girl from Deep River Ontario was in such a rush to leave Canada that she chose to fly by night into your country? Someone with a caress of steel needs to whack you people upside the head. I can come up with 2112 reasons the girl wouldn’t just say a farewell to kings, like Willy, and travel to your part of the northern hemispheres. You people may have permanent waves of delusion from watching too many moving pictures. It’s time you received the right signals on your gpsr and with a little grace under pressure we’ll find out who she is. Start your cars, roll down your power windows, and let’s go. If you find her please hold your fire, we need to question her to see who is behind this charade. When she talks, presto, we will know who rolled the bones and who the counterparts are behind her illusion. Clear the interrogation room, set up the recorders, test for echo, clear the vapor trails, and fire all the snakes and arrows we can until we get to the truth.
This new immigrant girl to your country is supposedly a neophyte and yet she has been hiding complex caches more in tune with an experienced veteran. How gullible are you people?
Fortunately there was one Wisconsin Cacher twice as sharp as the dozen smartest of you peasants, and don't you forget it! This person’s mental acuity is now renowned throughout maple leaf land, and my co-workers still speak of this unknown cachers great brain in hushed, awed tones.
We received a wealth of incisive guidance from the logs of someone who wrote in caches GC4KVNJ and GC4MGD4. This apparent renowned expert stated GWN is a sock puppet, and cited an incontestable precedent reflecting his encyclopedic familiarity with Geoaching and Cash Bash jurisprudence. We have reviewed this cacher’s astute counsel and conclude this persons talents combined with our department’s top detectives could form a veritable dream team of cache investigators. This person has dispensed invaluable advice on how to prove GWN is not just some girl from Canada. We conclude this person to be a fearsome strategist whose flawless arguments recalled the shrewd legal intuition of such legendary lawyers as Perry Mason and Matlock. The anonymous cacher formulated a brilliant argument rooted in the most unassailable tenets of caching common sense.
The girl is now missing. We believe she must be one of the suspects pictured above.