Let it be known that I don't hate Mr. Taffy, only because I don't think he exists; he absolutely has to be some sort of cyborg that exists to ruin my caching life. Based on some thorough analysis on my part, note the following facts*:
1) John has around 1700 finds, yet he has around five thousand FTFs
2) I have 21 hides. Of these 21, John has give or take 300 FTFs on my hides.
3) Whereas I've never met him and I am at many events on LI, he's supposedly at many as well. For some reason, I always think he's JerryMonkey. Don't ask me why; I have no idea (Update: this is all now a lie, albeit no more a lie than anything else that was written).
4) JerryMonkey also doesn't know me. Hopefully the both don't hate me after this post (this is still true).
5) Pretty much all of my 412 finds are STFs; Taffy has the FTF on each of them.
Whereas I spent quite a bit of time on John (not really...I just copied a previous log of mine), it's worth mentioning that Louise is truly a fantastic woman. John clearly hit a home run. Like he's in high school softball and she's A-Rod (I'm not saying she's on steriods, just that she's an all-timer). John should thank his lucky stars (you can assume this is a foreshadowing for a future Barry entry) that he ever met Louise.
Case in point, their daughter (although I'm assuming they have many. I have only met one of their kids for more than two minutes, but based on logs and conversations, I think there are many. Like seventy or so. This may be one of the reasons for his ability to get all the FTFs. I think they're just clones that change their outfits to look like the real John). The daughter I did meet was awesome. She's going to be the best geocacher in the world and also the best baker of some two layer cake in France, and I believe she just had a pink party. She clearly gets her awesomeness from Druzzil.
I figured I'd start a new series about the local geocachers in the area that I'm friendly with. It's worth noting that these are in no particular order, and there's not much rhyme or reason to what or whom I include, so please don't be offended if you have or don't have a geocache named after you. We'll see how many I write depending on how long it takes me to get bored of producing the nonsense you will be experiencing in the descriptions of these geocaches. Also, for what it's worth, I finally started using a GPS for these instead of my iPhone so no complaining if the coordinates are awful. Blame my Oregon.