"Life what’s it all about hey
Why are we all here
Why I am I here
Whats the point of everything"
Poor old Lister is having a bit of an existential crisis…3 million years in space is likely to unsettle anyone….
So what is the answer to poor Dave’s question…”What is the point of everything”
The answer lies within the Vend-A-Bar vending machine…..whilst she doesn’t really have an answer for Dave…because after all she’s just a vending machine…she does have a solution
To find the solution to Dave’s questions you will need to locate the Vend-A-Bar machine where she will dispense the solution….Oh! but don’t go on a Thursday…she might be out on Thursdays so save yourself the risk of getting excited about a day out and then nothing comes from it.
To find the Vend-A-Bar machine you will need to search Red Dwarf to find the right one.
You will need to search through the dozens of Vending Machines on Red Dwarf and many of them have their own artificial intelligence so you can strike up a conversation with them and perhaps get some clues. Connected by incredibly fast pneumatic tubes directly to the vast cargo and stasis bays, the Vending Machines can bring up almost anything a crew member requests providing of course they have enough company credit or if Holly...the Sentient 10th generation AI.... allows it. So you will either need to talk nicely to Holly or get yourself some company credit.
So where to start:
One is on a corridor wall, with "AutoFood" written above it.
Three million years later it appears to have contracted computer senility and can't tell the difference between black coffee and a bucket and has also acquired a lisp, though it will repeatedly assure you that these problems have been reported.
Another one is in the Drive Room, and speaks with the same voice as the first one, minus the lisp. It is from here that you can get a Beer Milkshake.
There is a chocolate dispensing machine but beware of flying cans if you don’t pay.
There is another which is in somewhat poor repair and needs a good kick if you want a can of lager as you wander around.
Dispenser 55 likes the odd bet on pig races but be alert...it already knows the result
You will come across another machine that is somewhat philosophical and likes to discuss the idea of Chinese Whispers being racist so be prepared to linger awhile.
Snack Dispensers 23 and 34 may pose a problem as they like to compete with each other for your affection...Poor Dave knows only too well this problem.
Once you have gathered all the information you will have the coordinates for the Venda-A-Bar Machine and the solution to Poor Dave’s crisis.