Hungarian man: [consulting phrase book] I will not buy this record, it is scratched.
Tobacconist: What?
Hungarian man: I will not buy this record, it is scratched.
Tobacconist: No, no, this is a tobacconist.
Hungarian man: Ah! I will not buy this tobacconist, IT is scratched!
Tobacconist: No, no, tobacco... cigarettes.
Hungarian man: Cigarettes? Ja ja. [consulting phrase book]
Hungarian man: Ah... my hovercraft is full of eels.
Tobacconist: What?
Hungarian man: My hovercraft is full of eels. (making striking motion)
Tobacconist: Matches?
Hungarian man: Ja ja! Do you want... do you want... to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy?
Tobacconist: That will be six shillings, please.
Self-Defense teacher: Now, it's quite simple to deal with a banana fiend. First, you force him to drop the banana. Then, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. You have now rendered him helpless!
Self-Defense student #2: Suppose he's got a bunch?
Self-Defense teacher: SHUT UP!
Self-Defense student #4: Suppose he's got a pointed stick?
Self-Defense teacher: ...SHUT UP!