My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
My friend keeps saying, "Cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm it would be justwater.
There are three unwritten rules of life: (1) ; (2) ; (3) .
If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?
I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson. He said, “But Dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey!
What's the best part about living in Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
What do you call a dead fly? A flew.
What did the horse say after it tripped? "Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
You know what the loudest pet you can get is? A trumpet.
What noise does a 747 make when it bounces? Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.
Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Nevermind, it's tearable.
What do you call a lonely cheese? Provolone.
I told my 14-year-old son I thought 'Fortnite' was a stupid name for a computer game. I think it is just too weak.
And just for us Geocachers, "What did the Buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison!"
(No I didn't put a Bison (Buffalo or otherwise) in the woods at this location, but it had to be said.)
Remember, the earth's rotation really makes our day, so get out there and enjoy it. Happy hunting!