The cache IS at the published coordinates, but do you dare go find it tonight?
Somewhere Near Weybourne, 14:00 31st October 2020
It was a dark, cold and windy Halloween Night in 1708.
3 Irish Tinkers (yep, you know where this is going) were heading up the railway line from Holt.
Their names were George, Godfrey and Giles O’Cache. They were posh Whig voting Irish tinkers OK?
They had robbed the Market Sheriff’s office back in May and had started a fire to cover their tracks.
Now that the heat had died down, literally, they were off to Kelling Manor to recover their ill-gotten gains.
They got as far as a Holly tree in the middle of the woods when a cold, clingy mist came down, red eyes blinking in the depths. And suddenly a herd of rabid pigs came running out of the woods and pounced on them.
They were never seen again.
“So that’s how the story goes,” Wappy#Hambler said to the small group “and I’ve not only found said Holly tree, but I’ve set a geocache there!”
“Well, at least you won’t be able to claim FTF for it” said Raves007 with a self-satisfied smile. “When does it go live?”
“7 O’clock tonight” was the reply.
Somewhere Near Barney, 15:00 31st October 2020
In a blinding flash of light 3 people suddenly appeared in the middle of a field just outside Barney.
“Woah! that was crazy.” Silent Bob said.
“Tell me about it” MolNat said “We were only here last week and Marcus was over in Kelling”
“It’s even stranger,” SpongeBob said “for some reason the shopkeeper also sent us back in time 9 hours.”
“OK, without any better ideas of why we are here why don’t we see if we can find Marcus.” said MolNat.
So, off the terrific trio went walking up the road from Barney to Kelling. They troupe past Thursford and onto Sharrington.
“Woah, look at that Massive Strawberry” Silent Bob said.
“You’ve really come out of yourself lately haven’t you Bob?” PlombSponge joked “We can’t shut you up now!”
The trio continued on and they were soon in Letheringsett and popped into the Queens Foot (*) for a quick drink at the behest of PlombNick. “Well, we can’t go on holiday without trying the local brews,” he hiccuped “shame Marucs is on StopTober ha!”
Somewhere Near Bodham, 19:00 31st October 2020
“Ping” MolNat’s phone chimed.
“Ooo, geocache published and it's only 3,621 feet away!”
“Well, who would have thought eh?” PlumbBob slurred, taking a swig from a hip flask.
Somewhere Near Weybourne, 19:01 31st October 2020
“OK guys, it’s about 800m west of here, load up C:Geo and let's go find it before Geo##Logic gets here.” Raves007 jeered just as the terrible triad appeared at the car park.
“Hi, we’re Mol and Plum” MolNat said.
“Hi, we’re Wappy#Hambler, Raves007 and these are our minions.” Wappy replied.
“Aha, with names like that and the fact you’re here right now can only mean you must be geocachers. We’re Cambridgeshire’s finest FTFers. We don’t include the Dolphin as he is in Northants (and Marcus killed him off in the last Halloween story) or Geeza, as he can magically solve a Jigidi and get from north of Peterborough to Alconbury in 8 minutes” MolNat joked.
“And Marcus killed him off too!” PlombLad added.
“Yep, we’re Norfolk’s finest FTFers!” Raves007 retorted “Well, I am anyway.”
Which resulted in a grunt and a withering stare from Wappy#Hambler.
“And this is Silent Bob. He is far from silent anymore, don’t ask” PlumbLine finished.
The newly enlarged gang head up the track between the trees and before not too long a strange mist starts rolling in from the north.
“Gah!” moaned MolNat “I know what’s coming next, it probably involves red eyes.”
“Don’t worry pet” Raves007 said “It’s just a sea mist, we’re surprisingly near the coast here”
“I thought I saw caravans there a minute ago, but everything has gone dark.” MolNat said.
“Weird, “Wappy#Hambler said “My phones got no signal.”
“That’s probably cos you’re on VoodaPone, there’s no signal around here” Raves007 said.
“No wait, I don’t have any either, and I’m on DD!!” MolNat said
“I love your phone network.” PlumbBob slurred.
MolNat rolled her eyes.
The mist started swirling and red eyes started blinking in the dimness.
“I knew it.” MolNat declared with a shaky voice as the group plodded on.
“ARgggggggggggg!!!” a scream came from close by. They all stopped and looked to the rear of the group. One of the minions was missing and in his place was a trail of blood leading to the caravan park.
“Run!” yelled Raves007.
“Not again! Moaned MolNat.
And off they ran, Wappy#Hambler, Raves007, MolNat, Silent Bob, PlumbJob and the remaining 2 minions in that order.
“Those 2 minions might as well be wearing red shirts” PlumbNick scoffed as the rearmost minion was lifted off his feet by an invisible force and carried off into the trees.
They ran past a track to their right leading up the side of the missing caravan site. The swirling silence was now replaced by a strange droning sound, growing in volume until it became a large cacophony of buzzing.
“The Kelling Heath bees” Wappy#Hambler screamed as the final minion was engulfed in a buzzing massive of voracious Apiformes.
Sometime later (Narrated in a french accent by Tom Kenny)
The group finally emerged from the mist and to the south they could see a glow.
“Let’s head that way” MolNat implored (I’m running out of synonyms for said here!) and the group headed south towards the glow.
In a small clearing they came across a woman and a man sat around a small campfire. Upon seeing them Silent Bob fell to his knees.
“Bob?” cried the man running towards them.
“Jay!” Silent Bob sobbed.
“You speak!” Jay said.
“Yes, he does a lot of that now.” MolNat explained.
Bob and Jay went and sat by the fire to catch up, meanwhile the woman stood up and approached the group “Hi guys” she said.
“Hi Kazzanin, I thought you were shielding in Essex, we haven’t seen you for months.” Raves007 said.
“No, I’ve been stuck out here with Jay. It’s worse than you think. I was out looking for a geocache near the hide, which I DNF’d again, or course, when Jay happened along. He had this strange looking GPSr called a Chronomatic Reloca.. something or other. He pressed a button on it and we ended up back in 1698.” Kazza explained.
“We tried to use it again but the batteries were dead and there’s no way to get triple A batteries in the 17th century! So we hid the device at the Market Sheriff's office but some Irish tinkers stole it and hid it by a Holly tree in the woods on their way to Kelling Manor.” Kazza continued.
“It's 1708. Tonight is the night the Tinkers die in exactly the same spot they hid the device. Don’t ask me how Jay knows that, you wouldn’t believe it” Kazza finished.
“The shopkeeper told me,” Jay called over “we have to recover the device or the t-waves will get all confused or something he said.”
“Great, so we’re in 1708, my minions have been picked off and killed by various unbelievable happenings and now we have to go witness three Irish G O’Cachers being killed by a herd of rabid pigs so that we can recover the Chronomatic Reloca.. something or other and then, somehow, get back to 2020?” Raves007 asked.
“Hmm, 2020, the gift that keeps on giving.” PlombNick groaned “I bet the pigs are all called Daisy as well!”
“Well, my GPSr runs on triple A’s and I’ve just replaced them, so they’re good to go.” MolNat admitted.
“I love it when a plan comes together.” Wappy#Hambler said.
So, to cut a long story, a smidgen shorter, the group pop along to the Holly tree, watch the rabid pigs eat the G O’Cachers. Wait it out for them to wander off sated and then head to the Holly tree to dig through the warm and slimy remains of the Irish tinkers looking for the CRA machine.
PlombNick finally finds it under a log, kept safe in a clip lock box (don’t ask where 17th century Irish tinkers got hold of a clip lock box wrapped in camo tape) and MolNat transferred the batteries from her GPSr to the CRA… and handed it to Jay.
Jay pressed a button and a herd of red-eyed white hares converged on them from all sides.
The hares formed a big ring around them and in a blinding flash of light they were back in 2020.
“Look!” Raves said “There’s the geocache, in the exact same camo-taped clip lock box.”
They gingerly opened it to find a blank log book.
“Yay” Raves cheered “Eat that Geo##Logic!”
“Where did you get that box from?” Raves007 asked Wappy#Hambler.
“It was there when I came looking for the spot, it just had 3 rusty triple A batteries in it. I just re-used it. This explain a lot.”
So the gang all trot back to the car whereupon suddenly, as if by magic, the shopkeeper appeared. “Jay, Bob. You’ve had your fun, it’s time to go back to New Jersey.”
And the 3 of them disappeared in a puff of smoke.
“Mkay” MolNat said.
“Drink?” PlombNick slurred.
So the remainder of the group headed to the Heath for a well deserved post FTF drink.
The Ferkin and Turnip(*), Kelling Heath 00:01 1st November 2020
On arrival the gang spot a group of familiar faces at a corner table surrounded by empty beer glasses.
“Oh look it’s Marcus, Ross and his grandad!” MolNat exclaimed.
“Thank the maker this place is ignoring the 10pm curfew as well!” PlombNick chimed.
“498, 499, 500” Marcus said, throwing a mouldy 30ml urine sample tube into a big box.
“Well, that’s the Hatley Heart Attack finally all removed,” Ross said.
“Yes” said Ross’ grandad “We can give the aliens their stinky tubes back and they will hopefully return my cat.”
“Yo! Marcus” PlombNick called “Wanna Beer?”
Marcus belched, looked at the sea of empties around him and replied “Why not? What’s the point of doing StopTober if you can remember November?”
(*) Not the real name of any known commercial premises.