A pirate on the Guadalupe, you say.....Arghhhh! Yes. I was canoeing on the Guadalupe near my house the other day when I met Pirate Tim standing on the banks of the Guadalupe. He had a peg leg, a hook for one hand, and an eyepatch. "Ahoy Matey", he yelled. "I'm Pirate Tim. II's awfully hot and I'm parched. Do you have a bottled water?". "Yes" I said and handed Pirate Tim a bottled water. "Arghhhh! I've been plundering the Guadalupe for a while now and it's kind of fun, taking ice chests from these South Texasns". "Well Pirate Tim", I said, "how did you lose your leg"?. "Well", he said, "I jumped in the river and an alligator bit it off". "Oh", I said, "and how did you lose your hand and get a hook"? "Well", he said, " it was in a sword fight on the Guadalupe and some guy from the next county over-Comal-I think iit is-and he cut off me hand, so I got a hook". "So", I asked, "And how did you lose your eye"? "Well", he said, "A bird pooped in me eye". "How could a bird pooping in your eye cause you to lose your eye", I asked. "Well", Pirate Tim said, "It was the day after I got me hook"!