The cache IS at the published coordinates, but do you dare go find it tonight?
Somewhere near Holt, 16:00 Wednesday 31st October 2023
It was the night of Halloween 2023 and Wappy#Hambler, LilFluffy69 and Raves007 were sitting in Wappy#Hambler’s kitchen sipping coffee (Yeah, I know, not very believable, but these Hallloween stories rarely are) when their phones pinged.
“You don’t think that’s a Marcus Halloween cache do you?” Asked Raves007.
“You can bet your bottom Euro it is.” Replied Wappy#Hambler.
“Shall we go find it?” Suggested Raves007.
“No ruddy chance.” Replied Wappy#Hambler. “You remember what happened last time don’t you?”
“No. We just stayed in the local boozer and watched you getting bat-faced on Espresso Martinis and then holding your hair back when you visited the porcelain wishing well.” Responded LilFluffy69.
“Oh yeah, I kinda remember. I think Geo##Logic got the FTF on that.” Wappy#Hambler mused.
“It’s a bit weird, he hasn’t found a single geocache since then” interjected Raves007.
“Don’t worry, it’s not a Marcus Halloween cache, that was a series of Halloween caches that went live over in Cambridgeshire by our old friends MolNat and NickPlumbJobTeaBagGuy!” said Wappy#Hambler. “More Latte?”
“No thanks.” replied LilFluffy69 “I’ll be up all night”
“That’s the idea.” said Wappy#Hambler.
Somewhere near Holt, 17:00 Wednesday 31st October 2023
There was a knock on the door.
“OK” said Raves007 “Here’s the first trick or treater, gimme the cigs, I’ll go hand them out”.
“Don’t let them keep the lighter this time” shouted LilFluffy69 down the hall after Raves007.
A few minutes later Raves007 returned with a frown on her face.
“Looks like the Simmy Javille pumpkin didn’t scare the little blighters off!”
Somewhere near Holt, 17:30 Wednesday 31st October 2023
“Hmm, we’re nearly out of cigs already, maybe we should go out and find a Halloween cache after all” said Wappy#Hambler “I’ll check if Marcus’ cache has gone live yet”
“Sounds like a good idea” Raves007 opined whilst licking the side of a cig and emptying the contents into a complicated construction of paper.
“Wow, you’re getting good at that aren’t you?” said LilFluffy69 admiringly.
“Silent Jay and Bob taught me well” replied Raves007.
There was then another knock at the door and Raves007 headed off down the hall.
Meanwhile, Wappy#Hambler was checking geocaching dot com and her emails. “Nothing Yet” she called.
Raves007 re-entered the room and showed the pack o’smokes. “Half gone already” she scoffed.
Somewhere near Holt, 20:30 Wednesday 31st October 2023
Outside the intrepid trio could hear fireworks going off.
“What the Effin Jeffin is goin on” moaned LilFluffy69 “Can’t they wait till Saturday?”
There was another knock at the door and this time Wappy#Hambler headed off with a bag of Haribos muttering about having to go to the garage for more tabs.
“No Marcus cache yet?” LilFluffy69 asked Raves007
“Well, look who’s here” Wappy#Hambler announced as she walked back into the room.
Fluffy and Raves007 turned round to see MolNat, PlombNick, Silent Jay and Bob cram into the small kitchen.
“Hi guys” Raves007 greeted them. “What are you guys doing here?”
*Hic* said PlombNIck
“Excuse him” MolNat apologised “He’s been on the sauce all the way up here from BugdenTonBury.
“Ooo” Silent Jay exclaimed as he looked into the ashtray “You started without us. Lets get ‘em going”
“No Bob!” scolded Silent Jay, or was it Bob? “We have work to do!”
“But I do my best work when my View is skewed” moaned Jay, or Bob or someone
“These guys turned up at our house in Cambridgeshire. They said they’d been sent to Brampton Wood to investigate the disappearance of Marcus. When they got there they realised the new caches weren’t Marcus cache’s and they couldn’t sense any anywhere.” Explained MolNat.
“Oh dear” responded Wappy#Hambler “We’ve just been talking about the distinct lack of Marcus Halloween caches this year. What do you think is going on?”
“Well, Silent BJ…”
“Wait? What” interjected Raves007. “Who?”
“Well, I can never remember whether it’s Jay and Silent Bob, or Bob and SIlent Jay, so Silent BJ is a kind of cover all. Besides, neither of them are silent any more.” explained MolNat. “Anyway, as I was saying, SBJ told us that your lives are in danger and we need to go warn you.”
“OK, consider us warned.” said Wappy#Hambler “What do we need to look out for.”
“No, not you” said MolNat “You in the future. We cannot go there directly, something to do with timelines and paradox’s or something. You have to go 4 days into the future and stop yourselves from opening the Super Heated Iridium Tubular Hadron Overcharged Location Exchanger on Kelling Heath.
At which point SBJ pulled out a massive pink tube which started buzzing wildly. “Oops.” Jay said “Wrong pocket” put the pink tube away and reached into his other pocket and pulled out a massive black tube which started buzzing wildly.
He pressed a button at the base and the top started spinning. “This is the new Chronomatic Relocation Asynchronous Positioner. It doesn’t smell as bad as the original, Agent Warden lent it to me, he sends his apologies, but he’s not well at the moment.”
“Aww” said Wappy#Hambler and Raves007 together “Hope he gets better soon”
SBJ pressed another button and the Intrepid trio disappeared in a flash of blinding light and a cloud of confetti that looked for all the word like little white rabbits heads with glowing red eyes.
“You did give them their own Chronomatic Relocation Asynchronous Positioner Mk 2 and the Twin Independant Neuro Injectable Paradox Preventer didn’t you SBJ?” MolNat asked.
“Oops” said SBJ holding out his hand with both pieces of tech. “I forgot”
Somewhere near Holt, 17:00 Saturday 4th November 2023
Wappy#Hambler, LilFluffy69 and Raves007 were sitting in their local boozer, as they are want to do, when their phones pinged.
“You don’t think that’s a late Marcus Halloween cache do you?” Asked Raves007.
“You can bet your bottom Euro it is.” Replied Wappy#Hambler.
“Shall we go find it?” Suggested Raves007.
“No ruddy chance.” Replied Wappy#Hambler. “You remember what happened last time don’t you?”
“No. We just stayed in the local boozer and watched you getting bat-faced on Espresso Martinis and then holding your hair back when you visited the porcelain wishing well.” Responded LilFluffy69.
“Woah” Exclaimed Wappy#Hambler “Deja Vu!”
“I’m bored, I think we should go find it.” Raves007 intoned “It’s been awfully boring recently
“I’m up for it!” LilFluffy69 added.
So off they trotted to the car park, got into LilFluffy69’s mk2 Cortina, and wheel spun out of the car park in the direction of Kelling Heath.
Somewhere near Holt, 17:05 Saturday 4th November 2023
“I told you we didn’t have time to nip into Budgets for Cigarettes and Alcohol.” Wappy#Hambler said to LilFluffy69, before turning 90 degrees and seemingly speaking into thin air ”Both are bad for you kids. Don’t be tempted”.
“Look” Wappy#Hambler said, pointing to LilFluffy69’s rusty yellow Ford Cortina mk 2 wheel spinning out of the car park.
“Eff and Jeff” LilFluffy69 moaned. “We’ll have to run to catch up”
Somewhere near Kelling Heath, 17:35 Saturday 4th November 2023
They were nearly at GZ when they found a large tree stump with the word “Here lies the disfigured remains of Geo##Logic; tragically killed in a freak geocaching accident and dragged here to pass.”
“Well, that explains a lot” said Wappy#Hambler (the one in the correct timeline). “Ooo Look, that must be where the geocache is”
The intrepid trio headed over to the multi trunked tree and brushed aside the pile of sticks and picked up a small moldy box that looked all the world like a cheap clip and lock box from Wilkos!
All of a sudden there was the sound of panting and undergrowth being trampled.
Then a loud thump followed by “OW by dose”
“That sounded awfully like you LilFluffy69” Raves007 said
“Can you just call me Fluffy please” replied LilFluffy69
“Don’t open it” shouted Wappy#Hambler from the future, or is it the past?
A scary mechanical voice then started “Super Heated Iridium Tubular Hadron Overcharged Location Exchanger activated”
The intrepid trio turned round and were shocked to see their dopplegangers running towards them, except LilFluffy69 who was holding his nose and spitting blood whilst staggering in their vague direction.
At that moment a herd of red-eyed white hares converged on them from all sides.
The hares formed a big ring around them and in a blinding flash of light they were gone.
Some time later …
Epilgoue: The Ferkin and Turnip(*), Kelling Heath 17:40 4th November 2023
“So, what do we do now then?” MolNat asked whilst sipping a pint of Pamden Cale Ale.
“Well, MolNat…” SBJ started.
“Oof, this Cale Ale is disgusting.” MolNat Interrupted.
“Tashes oakley tooo meshhhh” PlombJobSquareTeaBagPants slurred.
“As I was saying” Silent Jay Bob or whoever continued “We’ll have to wait till 2073 to get them back”
“2073?? Why what?” MolNat queried.
“Marcus will be 100 then, it’ll be the change of era and paradoxes are reset, or something.” SBJ explained
“Oh well” MolNat said.
MolNat turned to the barman and said “I’ll have a large Sauvignon Blanc please barkeep.”
“That’ll be 12 pounds please madam” the short balding barman said.
“TWELVE POUNDS???? JEEZ!” MolNat exclaimed.
“Did I just hear your gentleman friend call you MolNat?” the short balding barman asked.
“Yes, that’s my name,” MolNat replied.
“Marcus said you’d be here tonight, he feels really bad about what he’s done to Wappy, Raves and Fluffy. Weird names I thought, but hey ho. He said to give you this.” and handed over a 30ml urine specimen tube wrapped in brown electricians tape. “He said it may accelate something or other and then said something about a tiny pp.”