The cache is not at the posted coordinates, though that location is a trailhead that you might use to head for the cache. To find the cache coordinates, you’ll have to fill in some blanks correctly, take some digital roots, and do a little basic math. Many thanks(!) to waxwing454, The Burrow, and dadndaughter for their help in placing and beta-testing this cache.
We’ve all read about the legends of famous pirate captains such as Blackbeard, but there are, of course, other pirates of somewhat less renown. One such was Whitebeard, whose generally sad story is, as you will see, unexpectedly relevant to your finding the coordinates for this GAG32 mystery cache.
Captain Whitebeard, an aging privateer, was, as his name suggests, rather older than the typical pirate. He was not particularly aggressive, and his crew was not particularly skilled in battle Thus, they couldn’t readily compete with the bolder, more accomplished pirates of the Caribbean. Consequently, they ended up primarily plundering fishing vessels in the North Atlantic.
For this purpose, Whitebeard’s ship, aptly named “The Codfish,” proved marginally adequate to the task. The ship had previously been named “The Flounder,” but that name was seen as rather inappropriate for a privateer’s ship, Given that “wallop” evokes the notion of a forceful blow, and cod fishing the primary occupation of the target vessels, the initial front-runner for renaming the ship, was “Codswallop.” Fortunately, a British member of the crew was able to explain why that name would be quite inadvisable. The Codfish’s coarse-woven, hemp pirate flag was so dilapidated that, although it did feature a skull (of some indeterminate species), it sported only a single bone, which made them all rather cross. Really, it was more by way of a Sad Sack, rather than a Jolly Roger, and it regularly struck incomprehension in the minds of the Codfish’s prey.
One dreary day Whitebeard received the very sad news (to him and his crew, that is) that, somehow, against all expectations, peace had broken out. In consequence thereof, his letter of marque had been revoked, so that the crew’s last vestige of legality for plundering other vessels had vanished. That same day, under that heavy leaden sky, a colony of termites was found to have taken up residence in the Codfish’s mainmast (and no one knew where else on the ship subsidiary colonies might have become established). The day became bleaker still when a sea eagle swooped down and snatched Whitebeard’s parrot, Chirpy, right off Whitebeard’s shoulder, carrying her away, never to be seen again by the crew, who didn’t want to even imagine what would become of her.
Heartbroken, and concluding from this trio of omens that his seafaring career was now over, Whitebeard trudged slowly to his cabin to consult his treasure map, which would guide him and his crew to the stash that would now have to serve as their retirement fund. Alas (due to a lack of waterproofing and a missing O-ring), dampness and mildew had rendered the map totally unreadable mush. He very nearly wept, which would have been most unbecoming for a pirate captain (which is what he had quite unintentionally become, what with his letter of marque no longer valid).
But just then, in the depths of despair, there arose a glimmer of hope. Whitebeard recalled that he had a backup mechanism for determining the treasure's coordinates. It consisted of a set of questions for which only a true pirate would know the answers, and, together with some simple math involving digital roots and simple calculations (pirates not often being celebrated for their mathematical prowess), would yield the coordinates for the treasure. [Friendly fact: There are no famous pirate mathematicians.] Fortunately for Whitebeard and his crew, that document was, although salt-stained, still readable, even through Whitebeard's damp (but emphtically NOT teary!) eyes from thinking of his beloved parrot, Chirpy.
Moving forward now to the present day – having obtained a copy of that historical document and its “questions,” beta-testers waxwing454, The Burrow, dadndaughter and I are including them here as central to this cache. We'll be abundantly clear here that we have adapted them to provide the coordinates for, not Whitebeard’s treasure, which has long ago been retrieved and disbursed to provide retirement funding for Whitebeard and his crew (and, not incidentally, to "settle" a few impending legal charges), but for a simple GAG32 cache.
With our adaptations, Whitebeard’s backup mechanism, reflecting the age in which it was created, involves no spherical trigonometry, no cryptography, no quantum chromodynamics, and only some simple DR calculations and some four-function math. We recognize that there are some silly riddles and atrocious puns, but please remember, this is all Whitebeard’s doing rather than ours. However, because most of you are not active pirates, in order to make up for these bits of Whitebeard’s arcana and his culturally-different mindset, we have included the numbers of words and letters in the responses that Whitebeard deemed correct, as well as a geochecker for the final coordinates. With this background context complete (thank the heavens and the high seas!), Whitebeard’s “questions” are as follows:
Let A be the DR of how much a pirate pays for sweet corn: A “_____” (one word, 9 letters)
Let B be the DR of “What the pirate said on his 80th birthday?”: “___ ___” (two words, 3 letters, 5 letters)
Let C be the DR of a pirate’s favorite exercise: The “_____” (one word, 5 letters)
Let D be the DR of a pirate’s favorite recreational feature at the back of his house: The “___” (one word, 4 letters)
Let E be the DR of where can you find the pirate's bathroom on his ship: The “____ ____” (two words, 4 letters each)
Let F be the DR of what has eight heads, eight legs, eight hands, and eight eyes: “____ ____” (two words, 5 & 7 letters)
Let G be the DR of what you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot: A “___-___” (one word, hyphenated, 6 letters-6 letters)
Let H be the DR of a pirate’s favorite part of a song: The “___” (one word, 4 letters)
Let I be the DR of how you make a pirate angry. Take away the "_": (one letter)
Let J be the DR of what the seasonally stylish pirate wore on Halloween: A “____ ____” (two words, 7 letters, 5 letters)
To make things a little easier for you, we’ll even tell you that the DR of the sum of the (single digit) values (A+B+C+D+E+F+G+H+I+J) equals 6.
This GAG32 cache can then be found at N45 18.[H+E][I-J][E+F+G], W075 48.[I-H] [B-H] [A-C+D+F], where each term in square brackets corresponds to a single positive digit.
Now, batten down your mains’l, keelhaul the rudder, belay the hawser, hoist the capstan, be kind, look both ways before crossing the street, don’t forget to floss, and get out there and find that cache (approaching it from the south). After reading all this bumf, you deserve a smiley.
P.S. On the positive side of things, unbeknownst to Whitebeard and his minimally adequate crew, Chirpy and the sea eagle somehow fell in love, married, and had years of happy parenting. Understandably, however, they did have to put up with a lot of backtalk from their chicks.