Idiotic Geocaching in Everwinter Chasm
Lo my fellow geocachers, I am Hrothgar the Foolhardy and bid you listen to my tale!
On more than a few occasions, I've done something foolish in pursuit of this hobby but this nocturnal misadventure in Tophet Chasm was downright idiotic.
I arrived at Oak Hill late in the afternoon intent on actually finding geocaches. That’s not really my thing because I’m awful at it but the mood struck me. I hiked up the hill and found Oak Hill Cache easily enough but my next objective, Tophet Chasm, would prove to be significantly more challenging.
It was nigh Götterdämmerung o’clock when I reached the edge of the chasm. In the fading light, I could see it was still winter down there. A sunken white hell of snow and ice. Sensible people do not descend into icy hellscapes at sunset but I am a geocacher and caution is for the timid so down I went.
Instead of looking for a safer route to the chasm floor, I headed down the steep slope right in front of me. My boots found scant traction so I resorted to scooting on my backside as I clung various rocks and fallen trees. I reached the bottom only slightly worse for wear and then followed the coords to the cache location. My GPS directed me to a steep snow-packed slope and looming wall of solid rock.
Oh @$&%...
After several falled attempts, I somehow managed to haul my chunky 57-year-old body up to the base of the rock wall. Mercifully, the cache container was in plain sight. On the way back down, a faux pas sent me sliding into a dead tree but I made my saving throw so suffered only one hit point of damage (two bloody knuckles).
After comporting myself, I paused to assess my situation. The sun had set, the temperature was dropping and I was still at the bottom of Everwinter Chasm. I’m already tired and my hiking attire of a ball cap and hoodie was barely keeping me warm. I really wanted to get back to my car parked on far side of Oak Hill but I definitely couldn’t get out of the chasm the way I got in. I had no choice but to walk along the narrow trail that wound it's way between a frozen swamp on one side and a steep rocky slope on the other.
My only bit of good fortune were the clear skies and bright moon. I have good night vision so I choose to proceed without a flashlight (which are for wimps).
Under the moonlight, the trail ahead appeared snow-covered but passible so off I went. The ears of woodland creatures perked to the sound of a large human going CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH!..and then THUNK!...OWWWW! I was flat on my back. The snow on the trail had melted and refrozen into solid ice. I got back on my feet and moving again but my progress was treacherous and slow. I tried walking to the left of the trail along the edge of the frozen swamp but the ice kept giving way under my boots. If my feet got wet, I'd be truly miserable.
After nearly wiping out on the trail a second time, I had had enough and tired to escape the chasm by the most direct route possible: the steep slope to my right. I knew the footing would be poor so I got out my trusty folding shovel and tried using its pick like a mountaineer but the ground was frozen solid and the point could find no purchase. I’d make a little progress only to end up sprawled on my hands and knees.
@&#$ you, Tophet Chasm!
The icy moonlit trail was my only way out. By now, I was exhausted, banged up and starting to feel the cold. I should have focused all my energy on getting back to my car…but no.
I paused to survey this frozen valley o' death which my folly had led me to and thought “If I’m down here, I might as well hide a geocache.” With this hide or die mindset, I worked my way slowly down the trail with eyes peeled for possible hide locations. The dim light made this challenging but I was not deterred.
Some distance down the trail, I found a large tree with a big hole in it on the edge of Bootsbane Swamp. I rummaged through my backpack and fashioned, more by feel than sight, a geocache on a stick to stick into the hole. But I had done the stick thing before. Was my work becoming derivative? This wouldn't do. I abandoned the stick hide and renewed my search.
Soon my eyes perceived outcroppings of rocks on the slope. I surmised that there must be cave-like spaces amongst them which would make an ideal place for a geocache. But which one? I had over a dozen in my backpack. Yes of course, the travel mug! Months ago, I had taken an old travel mug, sealed it up with glue and filled it with rocks. I had lugged the thing around with me ever since but now this geocache’s moment of destiny had arrived!
I could see the rocks but getting to them was another matter. It involved a lot of traction testing and alternative route selection and then crawling and clawing and tree grabbing and OOF! (knee) and OUCH! (wrist) and %#*$&!!! (same knee again) but I made it.
Next, I placed the DIY travel mug-cache in its expertly chosen location and then took my standard four GPS readings. But then for some inexplicable reason, I started fiddling around with the waypoint averaging function but it wasn’t working right so I went to the Garmin website for help. After some time, I noticed that my hand was shaking. I had been near motionless for so long that my body was going cold. Some part of my primal brain made me get up and start moving. I was a dozen paces down the trail before I realized I had left my backpack sitting on a rock.
By the time I made it up and over (an also icy) Oak Hill and back to my car, I was both sweating and shivering. As I blasted the heat to get myself warm, I had a moment to reflect on how utterly idiotic I had been. It's just a little container with a paper log in it! Well, nothing got broken and I didn't die so Nietzsche…something, something.
I hid this to cache a week before it published and spring was in the air so hopefully there will be no ice remaining to vex you. Do not attempt to find it if there's snow on the ground. Just don’t.
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Please be nice to nature.
Also, please note the location and orientation of the cache container before you retrieve it and put it back just as you found it.
Thank you for your consideration.
For maps and more information Oak Hill conservation land: https://littletonconservationtrust.org/property/oak-hill/
Permission to hide geocaches on Littleton conservation land was granted by the Conservation Trust of Littleton, MA. https://littletonconservationtrust.org/
Special thanks to Littleton Conservation Trustee Dustin Neild.
A gift from Hrothgar, the self-styled sovereign of the Nashoba Valley!