My GPS receiver readings may be a bit off due to the age of the receiver. I apologize for any inconvenience or discrepancies.
The above coordinates are figments of your imagination, think of them not. You need to sift out the actual coordinates from the tale below.
When you complete the puzzle below, please make the following adjustments to the coordinates that you obtain. Add N00 00.004. Add 000 00.012.
The following is filled with true lies, but it is the greatest story ever told. Some will call this a legend, but don’t call me a liar liar. For this is a story about what is best.
Once upon a time in Mexico, a child was born. This day was many years before Star Wars, but after 2001. This was a special child. Not Forest Gump special, but special because he would one day he would go on to greatness. No one could predict what kind of greatness, but greatness it would be.
His father’s name was Marty, a nice enough chap, if not a little quiet. The man did not drink or stay out late. And he earned enough to care for his son and his beautiful wife Lolita in there nice little home in Brazil. He worked at a one hour photo lab that he transferred to from Mystery, Alaska. Some said he was the natural when it came to processing film, but that is another story.
The problem came about when the family started to try and think of a name for the child. This was a special child that would one day grow into a superman. They needed a good name to impress all those that would read this. They purchased a book of names and began plundering the pages for an appropriate name. They tried Tom Jones, Rob Roy, Michael Collins, Bob the horse, and even Babe. They attempted many unsuitable monikers and titles and other terms of endearment. They consulted oracles from the orient, sages out of Africa and even hackers out of the matrix. They talked to everyone they could think of, even Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and Cinderella. It was all for the birds.
Finally they lost hope. All of there efforts to name this beautiful boy failed. It was a puzzle that could not even be solved by kiwimonster. Then in the heat of the night after a fruitless fight with city hall about the timeliness on naming a child, the wife had an idea. She spoke to her husband, and when she spoke her voice was like the sound of music. But that is another story. For now, we will just say that she had a wonderful voice. She also had a beautiful mind, one that would come up with complex equations at the speed of light. She could work out amazing calculations of pi that would leave even fractal confused.
Her idea was dangerous, it was on the edge, and actually it was like the road to perdition. But from the cadence of her voice and the knowledge that they were already in the mouth of madness, the husband knew there was no other way. They would have to leave for Chicago, and there, they would need to see the godfather of the child. The man was a criminal, public enemy number one. He was worse than Scarface, more terrifying than Dracula, more evil than Dr. No, and more horrendous than watching a double feature of Gigli and Manos: Hands of Fate. Let’s face it, this man was not Gandhi, but he would have an answer.
As they boarded the airplane, the husband thought back to when he met him. At that time, he was known only as the freshman and the terrifying man they were to meet was known as the professional. A mistake was made and a promise was struck; do such and such things and a first born child that will be my godchild, until then you are unforgiven. This was the noose that hung over the family's head and made them say that they would be better off dead. The trip was incredibly expensive. They were not Richey Rich or the Beverly Hillbillies, they were just simple folks with a little money in the bank. They needed to go, and they needed to solve this problem, and besides, you can’t take it with you when you die. Besides, they were hoping for a trip to the Forbidden Planet.
When they arrived, they were not taken to his house. Instead, they were taken to the apartment. It was a small place with four rooms One of the rooms the wife once had an affair to remember before she became sleepless in Seattle. But the husband did not know of his wife’s sin, he was without a clue. He really did not have a sixth sense about these things. In fact, he was often called the absent minded professor. But that is another story.
The couple sat down, awaiting the arrival. The door opened and there were Nicholas and Alexandra, the player and his charming wife Erin Brockovich. The problem was explained after all niceties were done. They even discussed the problems with the name of Oliver and the embarassment that would bring. The big man hushed all to be quiet and contemplated and finally spoke the name. And they heard, and it was a good name and everyone lived happily ever after.
**update 6/11/04**
lots of emails for help, so I have added a hint,