The above coordinates are bogus - but this cache is located in
Losson Park! What we have here is a puzzle cache that will require
you to solve simple questions about Cayuga Crew in order to help
commemorate his epic geocaching milestone celebrating a monumental
number of cache finds (which is now being broadcast here in HD for
the first time). But of course no cache dedicated to Cayuga could
go on without a historically-blemishless biographical depiction of
the events leading up to this cache hide. So with that in mind...
It all started sometime during the mid-2006’s when Cayuga
decided to stop logging the majority of his finds. Because of these
actions, we made the witty and therefore completely accurate
observation that this was done as an attempt to either boycott the
unabated use of yellow happy faces that are smattered all over the
place, or as a fiendishly brilliant ploy to eliminate any audit
trail that could be used by Mrs. Cayuga or Federal Law Authorities
to track his whereabouts and therefore blackmail him into
performing heinous tasks like housework or driving to the store to
purchase embarrassing products like pantyhose and mango-flavored
lip balm.
Being the ever-nosey busybodies that we are, we decided to hike
up our suspenders, reapply the tape that was holding our stylishly
nerdy glassed together, and proactively monitor all of the caches
in the Western Hemisphere that Cayuga Crew was visiting. Originally
we figured the caching community would perceive us as creepy
stalkers, but after a few glasses of Kool-Aid and many many hours
spent snoozing in comfy lounge chairs, we decided that if anyone
made a stink we’d blame Cayuga himself for not having the foresight
to scold us ahead of time on the adverse effects of drinking really
sugary beverages before nap time.
So with that said and done, we got down to business. However, in
order to adequately track Cayuga’s now-under-the-radar movement we
had to hire a massive army of mathematicians, auditors,
statisticians, accountants and Hooters Girls. It was our intention
that while we hung out poolside with the girls all day, Cayuga’s
Bean-Machine could be working on our taxes, trimming our hedges and
polishing our Hush Puppies. Unfortunately after a grueling year of
sipping Pennsylvania-imported lagers on the sandy beaches of the
Bahamas, the powers that be started to inquire about the complete
absence of viable productivity citing that business travel and
company-paid lunches had increased at such a significant percentage
that expenditures could no longer be computed on those fancy
walk-in calculators over at NASA. So in order to keep our jobs, we
decided to split a 12-pack and crunch a few numbers.
After several poddie-breaks and a long intense conversation
about the boggling paradox that is Teflon (if nothing sticks to it,
what’s holding it to the pan?!?), it’s with absolutely no false
modesty whatsoever that we gleefully announce Cayuga Crew’s actual
geocache find count:
3,364,928,064*
We feel this number is fairly accurate; however, a few financial
institutions within the auditing industry have contacted us about
our research calling it “Absurd”, “Preposterous” and “Dumb! Dumb!
Dumb! Dumb! Dumb!” While we run out and buy a dictionary to try and
make heads or tails of this advanced accounting terminology, we’ve
devised the following series of questions regarding Cayuga Crew's
meanderings in the hopes that he and subsequent finders will be
able to answer them and enjoy throwing another find on the pile (we
here at the Internal Revenue Service, Smiley Audit Division think
of it as future job security).
Here’s the secret code you need to compute in order to
complete this cache: 42 53.ABC, 78 43.XYZ.
A = If Cayuga’s got
both of these pictured in his hand, how many has he left for
the rest of us?!?
B = The
number Cayuga so eloquently associated with this illustrious
cache series.
C = If you’ve managed to wander to
this cache, you’ve wandered one too far!
X = The last number in the year Cayuga placed his
first cache.
Y = The number of
puzzle caches Cayuga had placed as of March 2008.
Z = The number of
little fluffy ankle biters in this picture.
While seeking the answers to the above questions, we’ve provided
a sing-along (Cayuga-style!) to inspire you:
Well I’m runnin’ down Transit Road,
Tryin’ to up my smiley load,
Got a bunch of caches on my mind,
Four will probably bore me,
Two will likely scare me,
But one might be a first to find.
Oh make it easy - - make it easy - -
Don’t let our math on this cache page
Make you lazy.
Fire it up while you still can,
And put the GPS in your hand,
We found a place to hide a can,
To make it easy - -
Well, I’m standing on a trail
In Stiglmeir Park,
Such a fine sight to see,
It’s a cache, my lord, in golden paint decor
Tucked away tryin’ to hide from me.
Come on baby, don’t say maybe,
I gotta see if this cache log,
Is still empty!
(Insert mesmerizing Ooohing here)
With the final coordinates in your hand and the thought that
somewhere far far away Don Henley is cringing at the abomination
you’re now humming to the confusion of anyone within earshot, we
hope you enjoy this cache and the billions and billions of taxpayer
dollars it cost for us to bring it to you.
* Find count margin of error -
.00001% (margin of error’s margin of error: somewhere in the 17-92%
range)