Fortune Teller Mystery Cache

It all started in the morning. I was having a cup of tea and reading the paper. I know most people get their news online these days, but I still like reading an actual newspaper. I skipped all the doom and gloom in the news section which I don’t usually read because it gives me a bad vibe for the rest of the day, but I did check my horoscope. It said I would have relationship problems if my full moon was spotted in the house of the rising sun, whatever that means. So then I checked yesterday’s winning lottery numbers but I didn’t win. One of these days I will. I just have a good feeling about it. After that I read the sports section. I didn’t win any money on the races last night either. I need a new system since mine doesn’t seem to be working. Maybe I’d have better luck if I went back to playing hunches. Then I checked the latest odds on the Super Bowl. Man, I might have to put some money down on that the next time I’m in Las Vegas! Anyway, I finished my tea and looked at the bottom of the cup. For some reason the dregs at the bottom reminded me of a friend of mine. Just then the phone rang and it was him! It was like he has ESP or something. We decided to meet for lunch at this Chinese place he likes.

We had a nice lunch and spent some time catching up. The main topic of conversation was dreams. I told him I had this weird dream last night about a crazy little shack. It was kind of dark and spooky inside and filled with all sorts of odd stuff. There were crystal balls and star charts all over the place. It was decorated with purple velvet curtains that had little silver stars and moons on them. In the middle of the room were a table and two chairs. The table was covered with treasure. My friend and I tried to think what the dream could mean but we had no idea. So we finished up our lunch and read our fortune cookie messages. His read “Don’t accept that others know better than you” which he took as an obvious omen that he would become a father soon since father knows best. Mine said misfortune would bring me riches in the end. I wish.

I left the restaurant and headed home. While I was driving I remembered I needed to call my broker for some stock tips. He has been on a hot streak lately and has picked some really good ones for me. I don’t know how he does it, but it’s been great to have him on my side since nobody knows what the economy will do next these days. After that I turned on the radio to check the weather forecast. I don’t know why I bother to listen since they get it wrong all the time. I think they just guess. It’s not like it’s a science or anything. That was when I realized I was getting dangerously low on gas. I figured I had enough to get me to the nearest gas station, but I must have estimated wrong because my car sputtered and stopped. I didn’t see that coming at all. When I looked around to see where I was I noticed this weird little building at the edge of the woods. It looked just like the dream I had last night!

I just had to go inside and check it out. Maybe there was a pile of gold just waiting for me like in my dream. You never know. I knocked and heard a raspy voice invite me in. This old woman sat a table shuffling a deck of cards and gestured me into a chair across from her. She looked like she was expecting me. She told me I would find what I was looking for if I paid very close attention to what she said. Then she started turning over cards from her deck. I had never seen cards like these. She said they were tarot cards and they could tell my fortune. I liked the artwork on them. She said it was the Rider-Waite deck, but there were many other decks as well. Who knew? I told her I didn’t believe in fortune telling and she told me she knew I was going to say that. How did she do that? She told me to listen carefully for my fortune.

This is what she told me. The first card she turned over showed a man sitting cross legged beneath a tree and staring at some cups while a hand came out of a cloud to give him another cup. She said it showed that I needed to open myself up to new possibilities. The second card she called a Major Arcana card and it showed a High Priestess. I was told it meant I needed to use both wisdom and intuition to find my treasure. Next was another Major card, this one said Judgement and signified an impending decision. She thought that perhaps I have been too hasty in my conclusions. Whatever. I waved dismissively at her and told her to get on with it. She turned over a card that showed a man looking at a series of cups suspended in clouds with a variety of objects coming out of each of them. She said it showed that I was deluding myself and was not grounded in reality. Like she is one to talk, expecting a pretty deck of cards to tell the future! The next card depicted a chubby guy sitting with a table behind him full of cups. Enough with the cups already! She said it represented my dream coming true and my wishes fulfilled. Now we are talking! After that she turned over another card with no people on it at all. It had a bunch of sticks flying through the air like arrows and is supposed to mean that I need to hurry or take immediate action.

She stopped for a minute and looked at me like she wasn’t sure she should continue, but then she went on.

The next card she turned showed stacked cups in the foreground with a person walking along a stream away from the cups and hunched over like they were disappointed. She said it meant that my path could be unfulfilling or disappointing. Maybe I won’t find my treasure after all. Then she turned another Major card, this one showing a woman with a lion. She said it represented Strength, but in this case meant that I needed to be resolute and patient because rushing in would lead to disappointment. I wish she would make up her mind. I started to tell her that it seemed to me that she was contradicting herself but she just shook her head and flipped another card. It showed a guy who looked like he was about to dance off a cliff while a dog nipped at his heels. She said this card represented me. That was all she would say. When I asked her what it meant she just pointed at the card and then jabbed her finger at me. She gave me the evil eye and turned over another card. This one had a family on a little boat with a bunch of swords and the guy was pushing the boat across the water with a stick. She said it represented an obstacle in my way that needed to be overcome if I was going to find what I was seeking. Then she showed me a card that had a heart pierced by swords and said it depicted sorrow. If I was not careful I could miss my goal, or to keep my eyes open for barbed wire, she wasn’t sure. Then came a card with a guy in a red robe sitting in a chair with a city behind him and he was holding these big coin shaped objects. He had some under his feet and was looked like he didn’t want to give them up. The card was upside down which she hadn’t mentioned being important before, but this time she said is meant I should not hoard my treasure but share it with others. I don’t think so, lady. Then she turned over one last card. It had some women in togas holding cups in the air and dancing around a pile of fruit. She said it meant I needed to leave because she was going to a party.

I looked at the table and counted thirteen cards. I told her that was an unlucky number and could she please turn over another but she just smirked at me and pointed at the ninth card again. She told me I could count that one as often as I wanted if it made me happy.

After all that I still had no idea what she was talking about. She made me lay twenty bucks in her palm and told me the closest gas station was .74 miles up the road. Funny, I don’t remember mentioning that I was out of gas.

Maybe you can use the information she told me about the tarot cards to find my treasure. I don’t know where it is. I think she just made it all up. I think it’s all just a bunch of tarot bull.