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Don't Touch It, It's Evil

Hidden : 08/31/2010
4 out of 5
1.5 out of 5

Size: Size:   micro (micro)

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Geocache Description:

After I solved Salimonyous' difficult "Engineer" puzzle, he suggested I make a puzzle cache. So this is his fault.

Cache is NOT at the posted coordinates, which are for a parking lot in easy walking distance to the cache.

This is my attempt at an evil, evil puzzle based cache, reminiscent of the "Calculatrivia" puzzles by Robert Lodge in Games magazine. It's not QUITE that level of evil, but... well, see for yourself:

First, solve for each of the following variables:

A = ITU calling code of the country of the youngest daughter of the father of the father of the father of the mother of the Prince of Wales. (As of 9/1/10)

B = The year of birth of the composer of the theme that was the subject of the first variation for the piano by the composer whose daughter married the composer who wrote a funeral processional for the composer of the subject of the Symphonic Metamorphoses by Paul Hindemith.

C = The minimum number of moves a chess knight placed at "Hydrogen" on the periodic table would take to reach the square of the only element named after the same location as the element used to make the dowels in Carl Sagan's "Contact" which is not a member of the Lanthanide or Actinide series.

D = The answer is the age in years at their death of the candidate with the next most electoral votes for president after the president who had the next shortest term in office after the president who was the next YOUNGEST (not next OLDEST) president when inagurated after the second tallest president. (For this question "Next X after" means that if you rank the presidents in order of "x" from lowest to highest, "Next X after" is the one ABOVE "X" on the list. So for example if Ed is 5'0", Frank is 5'5", and George is 5'10", Ed is the NEXT TALLEST person ater Frank.)(This turns out to be slightly controversial. For purposes of this question, assume that Lincoln is the unopposed tallest president.)

E = 69 less than the NGC number of the object found on a 10x11 grid of all Messier objects at the intersection of the line connecting NGC 5904 and NGC 3379, and the line connecting the Andromeda Galaxy and WNC 4.(Note: LOTS of typos in my source, as I just discovered. This SHOULD work now, but don't use the table at without checking their numbers.)

F = One less than the number of letters in the capital of the country that shares the first six letters with the country that is the next unique country due east of the capital of the 3rd largest region in the country which is the second unique country east of the capital of the country that shares the first three and last one letter with the second unique country east of the capital of the smallest country on the African mainland.(Corrected 9/17)

G = 17 feet less than the height in feet of the tallest work by the artist whose most famous type of art was given its name by the artist seen playing chess in a short film with the artist who was married in a double ceremony with another groom whose alter ego was a bird named "Loplop."Note: the answer is NOT 187 feet, which you might get due to a typo on a website.

H = The number of letters in the species of the protagonist (in English) of the game that ranks, on's list of the best games of the noughties, just above the first game produced by the video game developer founded by the primary writer of Grim Fandango.

I = The wavelength, in microns, of electromagnetic radiation with a frequency given by the product of the Faraday constant, the elementary charge, Coloumb's Constant, and the Rydberg Constant, divided by the product of Avagadro's Number and the unreduced Planck Constant. Round your answer to the nearest micron, and do not bother with more than three significant figures on any of the constants. Watch your units and your exponents!

Once you have all of the numbers, finding the coordinates is easy!* Just plug them into the following two equations and observe the standard order of operations:

*note: not actually easy

The cache is located at N42° and W084° yy.yyy. It is a magnetic keybox with room for just a log and no pencil, so BYOP.

If xxxxx and yyyyy don't work out to integer numbers without remainders, one of us has made a mistake. I sincerely hope it isn't me, and I've checked everything several times, but if there's a problem, I'll fix it.


You can check your answers for this puzzle on

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