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Difficulty:
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Terrain:
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Size: 
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Idea from a cache I saw in another state!
Terrain/Difficulty rating is whatever I checked when I picked them with my eyes closed, ahhh so what?
Will cachers go after a hide if they know in advance that it sucks? There’s only one way to find out. Lame caches are always a hot topic of discussion on the Geocaching forums. I have worked really hard to make some of mine pretty nice, so here is a real loser, a totally lazy, leaky, lame, worthless waste of time.
I wasn’t able to get all the elements of lameness crammed into a single hide but there are enough here to make it a real P.O.S.…
HORRIBLE LOCATION: Of course! No scenic view here. All you can see here is an empty lot on a hill and the 5 freeway. You might see some rattlesnakes or squirrels (I think there was a dead one on the road nearby), maybe a few birds, but you won't be able to hear them, not with the obnoxious freeway nearby drowning out chirping. There are little stickers that will get stuck all over your shoes, socks, pants, hair, anything! I think they cut the brush here every 3 years, but who knows! The smell in the air is thanks to the homeless men who use the nearby bridge underpass as their personal bathroom.
PLACE TO PARK: No, not really. It's off dead end street blocked by a chain link fence and you can't park at ground zero. Best to probably take the bus here!
COORDINATES: Hey, it was the best reading I could get as I drove by the spot and stuck my phone out the window as I made a U-turn one night. I think the GPS on my smart phone is broken and I didn't double check the coords!
GOOD GPS RECEPTION: The signal is pretty bad here, better wear your aluminum space hat!
WET LOG: Not yet - but wait until it rains a couple times and even then I probably won’t change it anyways.
CONTAINER TYPE: Some plastic bottle I found nearby! I have no idea what was in it before, but maybe the homeless guys under the nearby freeway overpass will know or they may want it back!
CAMO: None, no camo, nothing. Just some tape I had in the car to tape a hole on the top of the container. I hope it holds.
SPOILER HINT IN DESCRIPTION: Gotta have that too. Just look in the green bush out in the middle of the hill. I'm pretty sure it got hung up in there somewhere when I tossed it out the window as I was driving by.
WORTHLESS HINT: See below.
CHANCE OF GETTING QUESTIONED BY NEIGHBORS OR THE AUTHORITIES: Probably - if you're not careful. Might be a No Trespassing area, but I didn't check or care to!
POISONOUS PLANTS and SNAKES: There were none when I placed it but after several applications of Miracle Gro, I will have a bountiful crop of the itchiest poison ivy in the land growing at ground zero by spring. I bet there are several rattlesnakes here, I think I heard some over the drone of the freeway!
WRITING UTENSILS: No pencil. One could probably fit in the container but, I, uh... um, forgot it.
TRADE SWAG: Nope, nothing.
FTF PRIZE: Only if you want one of the rocks or leaves laying nearby. I think I saw a bottle cap there by the fence.
WRONG RATING: Yes, it's rated incorrectly. I just made up what I felt the ratings should be after forgetting where I placed this piece of trash! Oh, and no cache size is listed either.
ATTRIBUTES: Of course they are true! :-P
HOW TO LOG A FIND:
You must mention in your log how horrible this cache really is! THE MORE INSULTING THE BETTER. To add to the lameness of this cache, the owner is also a jerk and will delete any joyful, bubbly logs such as “Found it, Thanks for the fun hide”, or “Nice cache”. I will contact finders that post happy logs and offer them the chance to re-log the hide.
GOOD EXAMPLE OF A LOG:
Where do I even begin with this abomination?
I would say that it looks like the cache was put together by a second-grader, but that would be insulting to second-graders everywhere. While we were there, Aaron and I actually saw a bird pick up it's nest and move it to another tree to get away from this eyesore. We thought that maybe there would at least be some good swag in it, but boy, were WE wrong. The selection of horrible junk in there was so awful that it made us long for a rusty, leaky battery or a half-full bottle of bubble soap. Plus, the bubble soap would have at least made the cache smell better. The breeze off the sewage treatment plant was a breath of fresh air compared to whatever crawled inside this cache and died.
And wow...gotta love logbooks that look like they past the "soaked" stage about 5 rainstorms ago. Did you let this logbook sit in a toilet for a week before you put it in the cache?
And that stuff wasn't even the really bad part! Because of your poor placing of the cache (Along a main road? Really?!), a policeman stopped and thought we were acting suspicious. We tried explaining what we were doing, but he ended up using his Taser on Aaron, which happened to short-circuit and fry our GPS receiver that Aaron was holding at the time. This also caused Aaron to fall, and while falling, he cut his hand on the rusty sardine can that you call a cache. He had to be rushed to the West Bend hospital to receive a series of painful tetanus shots, which caused him to be late getting home for his daughter's 10th birthday, which caused his wife to leave him. Trying to patch things up with his wife the next night, he missed work and was subsequently fired.
I am now seeing his wife, which has (as you can imagine) broken up our geocaching team.
Instead of searching for caches in public parks, Aaron now spends his free time in public parks searching for aluminum cans he can cash in. So if you are ever out caching in a park and you see the broken shell of a man standing by a garbage can and sobbing while holding an empty Altoids tin, you owe Aaron an apology.
Thanks for the cache, jerk. You sure made our final one memorable.
I hope you can sleep at night.
MORE WORTHLESS INFO:
Feel free to post spoiler pictures of the container or ground zero so this will be even less of a challenge for others.
It's out there mocking you right now... It keeps coming up in your searches... You know you want to find this thing.... probably so you can throw it over the fence onto the freeway. Don't have fun!
WHO CARES:
Colombian Princess- You were the first to show me that you had nothing better to do :(
Additional Hints
(Decrypt)
[Hi, how are you today? Did you really need a hint or did you not read the cache description? I hate worthless hints. Anyways, don't you just love Fridays and chocolate? My aunt has bursitis and my dog tends to fart allot. This is interesting, if you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
Did you know that you can buy batteries, beer, wine, cigarettes, comic books, hot dogs, light bulbs, and used women's underwear from vending machines in Japan? No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times (try it with this cache page since you will probably want to tear it up anyways). Oh and on average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year - so you better use a pencil from now on. Aren't you glad you had this already decoded so you don't have to do it on location? It is the last nice thing I will do for you, to decode this hint - this hint did help right?]