I've heard of a magical lodge of medicine men Indians near Oz where the signal above could cost a lad a free steak dinner at the Letterman's Ball and considerable damage to the front of his late 70s model truck.
Enjoy this ode to auctnr, on this day, his 366th calendar day with an FTF.
Sing along to Gripe in the Slow Lane a parody of Eagles' Life in the Fast Lane.
He was an FTF man
He was brutal and then some
And they were terminally pissy
He held them up, while he found them at random
In his heart he was cold, no pity
He had a nasty reputation as a cruel dude
They said he was racing, they said he was rude
They had one thing in common
They'd jump out of bed
They say, "Faster, faster. This guy's makin' me red!"
Gripe in the slow lane
Early takes the first to find
Gripe in the slow lane
Are you in a slow car?
Even this faction wants in on his game
The bum's an auctioneer, yeah they know his name
They don't want a night sequel
They want all the right frills
They wrote outrageous e-logs
They've moved in for the kill
They were spineless and quitters, whinin' last place
He pretended not to 'neer it, he was caught up in the race
Out every evening, unleashing his might
He was finding in wingtips
He was using his lumen light sticks
Gripe in the slow lane
Surely you will lose this time
Gripe in the slow lane, yea
Gripin' 'bout last place, every night it's a crime
Knife in your last vein, uh huh
Blowin' and burnin', blinded and cursed
They didn't see the mustache took the line for the first
They said, "Listen, maybe, you can hear his engine ping.
We've been up and down this highway,
Haven't seen a Goldwing thing."
He yelled, "Call me auctnr! I stole you're golden swag!"
The octner keeps a comin, and you gotta play with panache.
They went cryin' down that freeway
Gassed and trounced by the boss
They didn't share the prize, just second and pissed off
And they still gripe in the slow lane
Sure he laughs your second find
Life in the last lane, uh huh
Smitin' his last name, Wingate's here all the time
Knife in your last vein, uh huh
Gripe in the last lane
Spitin' his fast game
"HUCKLEBUCK!"
Over 1,000 FTFs, Over 100 Consecutive Months and 366 Calendar Days
auctnr
The Man ... The Geocacher ... The Legend
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| octner |
THE MAN - Our late friend, auctnr (26 DEC 2021), had many characteristics of a good man; a robust work ethic, a strong sense of duty to his family and loyalty to friends. He was at the ready with a tale from his youth in Kansas to a funny story about a former customer. Whether building Godzilla-esque margarita mixers or riding his Goldwing, he was happy to see you and greeted you with a smile.
THE GEOCACHER - An FTF hound of the highest order. The man's drive to be first at his game was unwavering. I've was fortunate enough to both man the helm and ride shotgun on many of those FTFs, until four o'clock in the morning, in business dress, police encounters, through swampy land, on ice, rifle scopes trained on us ... it doesn't matter.
THE LEGEND - The namesake of the term 'neer or "to 'neer a gecoache." auctnr's FTF success was a double-edged sword, especially when 'neering was in play. He was cussed, berated and disparaged for his style of play. If you asked him about it ... he'd just grin and tell you to be faster. You have to respect that ... or do you?
All in all, auctnr was well-liked and respected in the DFW geocaching community. Much like Sasquatch, he had a mustache since he was twelve and was rarely seen by the public, but when spotted, it was an adventure, a bit intimidating and there were surely large footprints to fill.
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| The Grid |
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| The FTF |