At the given coordinates you'll find a sign about this little cemetery (and a church that no longer exists). From that sign you'll walk deeper into the cemetery in search of a monument to a man who was born 7 years before Slab Union Church was first built and who died 8 years before it was rebuilt. If you've found the right marker, you'll see that this man's first name is one you probably know from the Old Testament--and you'll know his wife's first name as that of an exceedingly important person from the New. The wife was born less than 2 years before her husband; she died 5 years after Slab Union was rebuilt. Are you at the right monument? Good.
To determine what you're to find next, you now need some letters from this monument.
The first is the letter of the alphabet that corresponds to the sum of the wife's death month and day.
The second letter corrresponds to the husband's birth month.
The third is the husband's death month.
The fourth is the last digit of the wife's birth year.
The fifth is the sum of the husband's birth day and the wife's death day.
The sixth and final letter corresponds to the third digit of the husband's birth year.
Ok, have you got a familiar word? You may want to check your calculations if this name does not make you think of a city in the Midwest (and maybe think of cows, too). Ready to look for a marker with that name on it? You'll find it at an opposite corner of the cemetery from where you are now standing--but that corner is NOT diagonally opposite your current location. And the monument you seek is NOT horizontal. I bet you find it in less than a minute--unless you get distracted by intervening tombstones.
Easy to find this one, yes? Wonderful! Now you must gather a little more info. Again, numbers will yield letters for you, but this time you'll also find letters directly.
The first letter corresponds to the first two digits of the year in which the wife honored by this monument died.
The second letter corresponds to the sum of the first three digits of the year in which the husband died.
The third letter is the same as the first letter of this family's name (last name).
The fourth letter is the same as the fourth letter of this family's name.
The fifth letter is the same as the fifth letter of this family's name.
The sixth letter corresponds to the sum of the last two digits of the wife's birth year.
The seventh letter is the same as the husband's middle initial.
The eighth and final letter is the same as the penultimate letter of the husband's first name.
You should now have a family name that makes you think of a simple action you might do several times a day in your house or yard. Want another verification? The checksum of the number values of these letters is 28 more than the number of trombones famously in "The Music Man." Ready to march on?
Walk directly towards the main road and look for a tall monument with the family name you've come up with. You should see on opposite sides of this obelisk the names of a husband and wife. To confirm you've found the right monument, note that for both husband and wife, the birth and death months are consecutive. Now, on one of the other sides you'll see more than two names, and if you take note of the dates next to those names, you may feel a great sadness sweeping over you for those parents. Perhaps you'll want to say a prayer or just observe a moment of silence as you think about parents you know who've had to bury a child. Imagine the depth of sadness this poor family felt over the years.
But you must return to your happier task: locating the actual cache hidden in this place that has known so much tragedy--including the accidental burning down of the original church on this property. You'll want to determine the coordinates thus: N 39 36.ABC W 76 54.DEF. As you determine the values you need, consider only the years mentioned on the children's side of this monument.
A=the second lowest 4th digit of these years
B=the third digit of the earliest year
C=the fourth digit of the second year
D=two less than the last digit of the third year
E=the largest number common to the even-numbered years
F=the lowest number common to all the years
So, you're ready to sign a log, yes? I hope you've enjoyed your visit to this little cemetery nestled in an abundance of natural beauty. Savor the catalpas! Aren't they enormous?
You may want to add .001 to the N coords and subtract.002 from the W now that the cache has had to be relocated.
