As with our first groan-worthy Pun Fun puzzle cache, GC7PJ0Y, find the alpha-sum (A=1, B=2, C=3 etc.) of the letters in the “blanked” words in the following 20 shamelessly bad jokes.
The numbers in square brackets after each thigh-slapper are the digital root (sum and re-sum the alpha-sum until you get one digit) of the missing words’ alpha-sum, followed by the total number of letters in those missing words.
The length of each blank is NOT proportionate to the number of letters in the word it replaces.
1. DOGS ARE UNABLE TO OPERATE MAGNETIC RESONANCE IMAGING MACHINES, ______ ______. [5,10]
2. OUR SKI SLOPES AREN’T FUNNY, THEY’RE ______ ______. [4,9]
3. BECOMING A VEGETARIAN WOULD BE A BIG ______ ______. [8,11]
4. LET ME SAY THIS; TO BE FRANK, I’D ______ ______ ______ ______ ______. [9,18]
5. LIFE IS SHORT. IF YOU CAN’T LAUGH AT YOURSELF, ______ ______, ______ ______. [3,11]
6. WHAT WOULD YOU THINK I IF TOLD YOU,
“ YOU ______ ______ TOP ______ ______?” [7,16]
7. BOYCOTT KRAFT’S PRE-SHREDDED PARMESAN! MAKE ______ ______ ______. [7,17]
8. ELECTRICAL WORKERS HAVE TO STRIP TO ______ ______ ______. [7,12]
9. SOMEONE TOOK OFF WITH MY MOOD RING AND I ______ ______ ______ ______ ______ ______ THAT. [6,21]
10. IN SPITE OF THE EVER-INCREASING COST OF LIVING, IT ______ ______. [7,14]
11. I’LL TELL YOU EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT 25 OF THE LETTERS OF THE ALPHABET – I ______ ______ ______. [1,11]
12. WHAT’S WITH THE HERD CONSTANTLY RETURNING TO THE FIELD OF CANNABIS? IT’S A CASE OF ______ ______ ______ ______ ______ ______. [1,26]
13. CRUNCHING COKE & PEPSI CANS FOR A LIVING IS ______ ______. [2,12]
14. SEEKING FRESH VEGGIE PUNS – ______ ______. [5,11]
15. HE WHO LAUGHS LAST ______ ______ ______. [4,10]
16. I GOTTA HAND IT TO MY FINGERS – I CAN ______ ______ ______ ______. [4,17]
17. GIVE THANKS IF YOU THINK THE WORLD SUCKS. IF IT DIDN’T, WE’D ______ ______ ______. [2,10]
18. AND ALSO REMEMBER, IF YOU SUCK AS A FLUTIST, THAT’S ______ ______. [3,11]
19. DICHOTOMY OF IRONY? ______. [4,7]
20. WHEN YOU’RE UNDER THE SEA AND A FISH BITES YOUR KNEE, THAT’S ______ ______. [1,6]
Total the alpha-sum of the letters in the missing words in 1 through 10 and call this ABCD.
Total the alpha-sum of the letters in the missing words in 11 through 20 and call this EFGH.
The digits of the N decimal minutes of the teeny weeny cache are (A+B), (D) and (C+F-E).
The digits of the W decimal minutes of the teeny weeny cache are (G+H-F), (H-C) and (A+D).
If this puzzle is free of my usual oopses it's entirely due to the beta testing by lostinthegarden. Thanks again, guys.