We here in Lubbock all know what it’s like when the wind blows from the east. Ah, yes, the smell of feedlots in the morning. Did you know that a typical cow burps about 280 liters of methane each day; produces (in several ways), in total, about 600 litres of methane every day?
Methane, as well as being smelly, is flammable. So flammable that some people speculate that, in theory, cud-chewing cattle are vulnerable to unexpected ignition (the lack of exploding cows argues against this, though1).
Now, one cow = 600 litres; a feedlot full of ’em = ......maybe 12,000,000 litres?? Add the flammable factor to that and you have a real reason to fear looking for this cache.
And, of course, you also combine with that the recent Mad Cow Disease scare. On that subject, let us lay to rest some of those Mad Cow myths:
-No one ever got Mad Cow from breathing in large quantities of methane.
-You can not get Mad Cow disease from making a cow mad at you.
-You cannot get Mad Cow by being trampled on by a herd of mad cows.
No, the only way to get Mad Cow is by eating an infected cow, so for your own safety, we advise you not to eat any of these cows.
If you manage to wend your way through the clouds of methane and approach our cache lying near the seemingly placid cows, you must remember NOT TO SHOW OR FEEL FEAR. Even the densest cow can sense horror, and a herd of formerly docile cows will quickly turn into a violent stampede once they get a whiff of it. No fence can stop them. (Not true, of course. Trust us.) You must, instead, bravely and gently retrieve the cache, transport it away from the fumes if you must to make your notes and exchanges, and swiftly but soothingly replace it again.
The cache itself (former family-size cottage cheese holder) is (like another infamous one of ours) filled with various forms of cows, even a Furby wannabe. These should not alarm the real cows unless you force one up a bovine’s nostril or something.
Have fun.
1
One of the arguments against spontaneous human combustion is the shortage of burning cows. Chewing the cud yields enormous amounts of flammable methane that should, in theory, make cattle more vulnerable to unexpected ignition than people. The methane may not burn the cows that emit it, but it does help to warm the earth. (http://www.nature.com/nsu/000907/000907-6.html)
This cache was placed by a member of the:
