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Difficulty:
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Terrain:
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Size: 
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GAG15 - Nowhere Special
A simple mystery cache that lives up to its name
This geocache has been placed for the Ottawa-Gatineau GAG 15 event. Please do not attempt to find or log the cache before the official start of the GAG 15. The cache is not at the posted coordinates. Going there might be dangerous.
This name of the cache is inspired by the closing dialogue from one of my favourite comedy films – Mel’s Brooks’ “Blazing Saddles.” The film is also known for the classic line, “Badges? We don't need no stinking badges.”
Jim: Where you headed, cowboy?
Bart: Nowhere special.
Jim: Nowhere special; I always wanted to go there.
Bart: Come on.
In the interests of full disclosure, geocachers considering whether to look for this cache should have a clear idea of what makes it “Nowhere Special” in geocaching terms.
No spectacular, or even somewhat appealing, view – check.
Sustainable local supply of potential muggles – check.
Homes overlooking both the cache location and the approach – check.
No particularly interesting flora or fauna – check.
Absence of give-away evergreen trees – check.
Reasonable prospects for a soaker at certain times of the year – check.
Lack of safe parking on the road nearest the cache – check.
Distinctly non-wheelchair-friendly terrain – check.
Annoying puzzles offering no meaningful mathematical insights – check.
Most obvious approach involves a road sometimes used as a speed trap – check.
Lack of a geochecker for the derived coordinates – check.
Clothes-grabbing underbrush – check.
Fiddly calculations to derive the actual cache coordinates – check.
Unremarkable small camo’ed lock & lock cache container – check.
Very ordinary unregistered geocoin as FTF prize – check.
To any geocacher who wants to argue that this abundance of unappetizing characteristics, taken together, in fact serve to make the cache special – sorry, you`re too late; it has already been pointed out.
If, despite all of the preceding disclosure, you still want to try for this cache, you'll need to solve the following puzzles.
• Let A be a number that, when I multiply it by two and divide the results by four, then multiply the result of that by itself, gives me a number that, when I subtract four and divide the result by ten, gives me six.
• Let B be the digital root of the integral part of the amount of earth, as measured in cubic decimeters, that can be excavated from a hole 6 feet wide, 3 rods long, and 2 and a half decameters deep.
• Let C be a number that, when I multiply it by two, and subtract 8 from the result, then divide the result of that by five, gives me a number that, when I multiply it by itself and subtract the result of that from one hundred, gives me a solution that, when divided by 8, equals 8.
• Let D be the next number in the sequence 3, 3, 5, 4, 4, 3, 5, 5, ?, or, if you prefer, the sequence 2, 4, 5, 6, 4, 3, 4, 4, ?.
Assume the usual N 45 and W 075.
The northern minutes portion of the cache location is C*(B+1) . (5*A*A/2+D+1)/1000.
The western minutes portion of the cache location is (D-1)*A . (10*(A+B+C+D+9) + C-D+1)/1000
Additional Hints
(No hints available.)