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Aarrr! Ye scurvy bunch of navigators. This 'ere cache be launched to celebrate Talk Like A Pirate Day on 19th Septemberrrrrr. At the given coordinates ye'll spy a cannon. 'Tis not in shipshape condition, but 'twill have to suffice. This be targetin' North Sydney Boys High School, a worthy objective, but not the one ye be aimin' for. As all buccanneering cannoneers do know, to hit a target, first take heed of your calibre, range and bearing:
Yer first mark lies by a tall tower, nigh on two score perches from this firing position on course to clear Point Poutu in the Shaky Isles. Count the number of steel bands on this tower, multiplied by a dozen, then less the number of yer thumbs (if not shot off). Veer that number of degrees to starboard, on course for the isle of Mauritius. Follow this 'ere course for two furlongs until ye spy some great gates. These be yer second mark. Turn hard to port and enter these gates if ye dare. Hold your course, to cross the Tropic of Capricorn ten degrees West of the mutinous island of Pitcairn, for four score fathoms until ye pass great nets abeam to starboard. No fishermen linger here, though this be yer third mark. Here ye back two and one quarter radians to port, and head for the city of Shanghai, some twenty three eighteenths of a cable. This brings ye under the lee of an old miller's shelter, and is the fourth mark ye seek. Having checked the compass, and uttered some piratical curses, take heed of the calibre of your weapon. Turn hard about and follow your wake for this calibre one thousand and forty times. X marks the spot, but not the treasure, and is yer fifth mark. From here ye be gettin' close, so clap yer mutinous crew in irons and sail on five shackles, bound for Samoa. Yer final mark lies at the heel of a well braced mast. This be the site of your treasure! There be pieces-of-eight for the first to find, and piles of old shackles for the lost laggards who follow. Some stealth be necessary, so dressing up as Johnny Depp may not help ye, parrot or no. My compass is old, with thirty two points, and my charts be waterlogged, googly and inaccurate, but ye'll work it out, or find ye be in Davy Jones' Locker. Aarrr! Jump to it afore I give ye a taste of the lash! To learn about TLAPD and suchlike lunacy, see yaaarrr.com, talklikeapirate.com and venganza.org.
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