GC9GMY7 The Ruddy Doctor 19: The Comic Relief Doctors (Unknown Cache) in East Midlands, United Kingdom created by RuddRobins

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Hidden : 10/5/2021

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Geocache Description:

Welcome to the Ruddy Doctor Caches, a series of puzzles linked together loosely with a whimsical story following the various regenerations of my favourite Time Lord.

The puzzles are nestled away in passages linking the various Doctor’s regeneration scenes, so you’ll need to skim at least through to find the goods and the occasional clue. You can assume coordinates are N 52° XX.XXX' W 001° XX.XXX' and will need you own pen and tweezers. All were conceived and placed by Doctor RuddRobins + checked and difficulty assessed by Mrs RuddRobins.

The notes at the end are random Docfacts not needed to complete the puzzle. I hope you find it all mildly amusing and it keeps you out of trouble for at least a little while J

The Ruddy Doctor 19: The Comic Relief Doctors

[Master's Tardis]

(The Master is watching the Doctor on his scanner.)

MASTER: Bwahahahahahaha! You are doomed Doctor. Doomed! You are piloting your Tardis into a deadly trap and even you will not suspect until it's too late. Bwahahahahahaha!

DOCTOR (Rowan Atkinson): You know, if you're going to spy on me you really should turn the speaker off.

MASTER: My dear Doctor, after our many centuries of conflict I wished you to know that your certain death is now certain! Bwahahahahahaha!

(He turns the scanner off.)

MASTER: But even you will not suspect that your destruction awaits you on Planet Zaston Four.

DOCTOR (Rowan Atkinson): You only turned the picture off, I'm afraid. I can still hear you.

MASTER: I know that. Of course I know that. Curse you!

DOCTOR (Rowan Atkinson): I wanted to talk to you anyway. I have some news that even my arch enemy needs to hear. Meet me on the Planet Terserus in two hours, relative time. And do try not to be late.

MASTER: Mock me while you may, Doctor. My revenge will be all the sweeter. And it will be a deadly vengeance. It will be the deadly vengeance of deadly revenge! Bwahahahahahaha!

DCOTOR: Well, I’m a busy man and I’ve got an awful lot of regenerating to do quite soon according to this script, so shall we just get the puzzle solving out of the way? I recently calculated that I have saved every planet in the known universe a minimum number of twenty seven times. But you know, I have grown weary of all the evil in the cosmos. All the cruelty, all the suffering, all those endless gravel quarries. And so, after solving this I will raise a last glass of champagne to my time travelling career. I have decided to retire, settle down and get married. So – what do we have?

g(Met) + b(Reh) - 1

v(Reh) + g(Bal) - b(Met) - 1

b(Met) - 1

v(Met) + g(Sov) - b(Neb)

MASTER: And how will you solve that?

DOCTOR: I’ll explain later - although I will say I found two numbers for g(Sov), and it was of course the bigger of them.

DALEK: Cease this communication!

DALEK 2: You have betrayed the Daleks!

DALEKS: Exterminate! Exterminate!

(The Daleks fire at the Master, who ducks, so the beams hit the Doctor.)

EMMA: Oh Doctor. You've killed him!

MASTER: I think not my child. This is only his ninth body. He has many, many more. Behold, the miracle of the Time Lord!

(The Doctor regenerates into Richard E Grant.)

DOCTOR: Oh, sorry about that. I just though I'd slip into something more comfortable. Result? Cute, sexy and lick-the-mirror handsome.

(He licks the mirror.)

DOCTOR: I remember you, don't I? And, er, you're my fiancé?

EMMA: You remember me then?

DOCTOR: How could I possibly forget the only time travelling companion I've ever had?

EMMA: You've had lots of companions.

DOCTOR: The only time travelling companion I've had.

EMMA: Oh, right.

DOCTOR: It's still me in here, Emma. These old hearts are still yours. Can you still love me in my new body?

EMMA: Actually I don't think I'll have to much of a problem with that. Back to the Tardis?

(The Tardis is nearby.)

DALEK: The Zectronic Beam Controller is going to explode.

DALEK 2: Help us, Doctor, and you're life will be spared.

DOCTOR: What better way to end my career than saving you metal gits? Pop into the Tardis, get a bottle of good champagne. When you get out we'll celebrate the beginning of our new life together.

EMMA: Great. (Emma goes into the Tardis while the Doctor goes to the Zectronic Beam Controller and starts fiddling.)

DOCTOR: I think in my new body I'm going to be particularly good at rewiring.

(He goes around the back of the device and it goes bang, flash. Jim Broadbent steps out.)

DOCTOR: Oh, bugger.

(Emma enters.)

EMMA: Doctor?

DOCTOR: Ah. You're my fiancé aren't you? Oh, dear. Seem to be a bit shy of girls now. All the problems of changing personas. So unpredictable.

EMMA: Doctor, look at me.

DOCTOR: In a minute. Oh dear, another girl.

MASTER: I'm not a girl, Doctor, I've told you before. These are Dalek bumps. They can locate aetheric beam emissions and everything.

EMMA: So, er, you don't want to try again, do you?

DOCTOR: Probably not a bad idea, actually. Shouldn't be too much of a problem. Actually, I think the problem's probably located in this area.

(The Doctor disappears down a short corridor. Bang! Flash! Enter Hugh Grant.)

EMMA: Result!

DOCTOR: Oh dear, now look at that. I've gone and used up three bodies in just under a minute, and all because I forgot to unplug first. That really was terribly silly of me. Sorry about that, my dear. Bit unfortunate.

EMMA: Oh, Doctor.

DOCTOR: Oh, assistant.

(Before they can lip-lock, the Doctor is zapped in the back. There are energy beams bouncing all around the room. He collapses by the door to the Tardis.)

EMMA: Doctor!

DOCTOR: Residual energy. I'm a stupid ass, I should have realised.

DALEK: The Doctor has saved the Daleks. His life will be spared.

MASTER: No, his life is already lost. That was a discharge of pure Zectronic Energy. Even a Time Lord cannot survive its terrible power.

EMMA: But he can just change again, can't you, Doctor?

DOCTOR: I'm afraid not, my dear. Zectronic Energy too powerful. It has destroyed my ability to regenerate. I'm afraid this is the end. Look after the universe for me. I've put a lot of work into it.

EMMA: But how can we look after it without you?

DOCTOR: I'll explain . . .

EMMA: Doctor, listen to me. You can't die, you're too, You're too nice, too brave, too kind and far, far too silly. You're like Father Christmas, the Wizard of Oz, Scooby Doo. And I love you very much. And we all need you, and you simply cannot die.

MASTER: He was the best and bravest of all my foes. From this day forward I will renounce evil and follow the path of goodness to honour my fallen foe.

DALEK: The Doctor saved the Daleks. The Daleks too will honour their mortal enemy.

EMMA: He was never cruel and never cowardly, and it'll never be safe to be scared again.

(The Master leads Emma away. Behind them, the Doctor regenerates.)

MASTER: It's impossible! Beyond all known laws of the universe.

EMMA: Maybe even the universe can't bear to be without the Doctor.

(Joanna Lumley stands up.)

DOCTOR: Emma, look. I've got aetheric beam locators.

EMMA: No, Doctor. I'm afraid those are actual breasts.

DOCTOR: Are you sure? I think I can see the on switch.

EMMA: No, Doctor, we have to face facts. You've come back to life and this time you're a woman.

DOCTOR: Really? I've always wanted to get my hands on one of these.

EMMA: Unfortunately, I haven't.

DOCTOR: You're mother's going to get a bit of a surprise at the wedding, isn't she? Do you think we'll both wear white?

EMMA: I'm afraid, Doctor, and I'm not sure if this sentence has ever been used so completely accurately before but, you're just not the man I fell in love with.

DOCTOR: Well, never mind. We can still rattle around the universe, fighting monsters and saving planets. What could be more fun? My best friend by my side, my trusty old Tardis and, of course, my sonic screwdriver.

(She switches it on, and it begins to vibrate.)

DOCTOR: Ooo look, it's got three settings.

EMMA: Doctor, stop that!

(Emma grabs the screwdriver and throws it across the room.)

MASTER: Doctor, I have to say you are rather gorgeous.

DOCTOR: I'm not bad, am I? And come to think of it, you're a great deal more attractive than I remember.

MASTER: Why, thank you.

DOCTOR: Tell me, why do they call you the Master?

MASTER: I'll explain later. Bwahahahahahaha!

(The Master and the Doctor walk away, arms round each other's waists.)

Notes

Doctor Who: The Curse of Fatal Death is a Doctor Who special made specifically for Red Nose Day 1999. It follows in a long tradition of popular British television programmes producing short, light-hearted specials for such telethon events.

It has a special status amongst Doctor Who-themed charity productions. It has twice been featured on the cover of Doctor Who Magazine – an unusual feat even for a regular episode of the programme. It is the only parodic story to be covered by "DWM Archives", a section of DWM normally reserved for discussion of past episodes of the regular series. Similarly, it is the only parody to be given an extensive behind-the-scenes article on the BBC official website and its own video release through BBC Video. It is also the only BBC-commissioned live-action Doctor Who production between the Doctor Who television movie in 1996 and "Rose" in 2005.

Finally, it serves as a production bridge – if not a narrative bridge – between the 1963 and 2005 versions of the programme. Most notable amongst the many connections between "old" and "new" versions is the fact that it showcases the first televised Doctor Who script by Steven Moffat, the first post-production work of The Mill on the programme, the only time a woman produced an episode of the programme between Verity Lambert and Susie Liggat, and the final performance by the longest-serving Dalek vocal artist, Roy Skelton. Executive Producer Richard Curtis would later write the 2010 episode "Vincent and the Doctor". Richard E. Grant, who plays the alternative Tenth Doctor would later appear on the actual show, as the main antagonist of the seventh series, the Great Intelligence, after performing the voice of an alternate version of the Ninth Doctor in an animated webcast serial Scream of the Shalka.

Caches in this series

The Ruddy Doctor 0: Gallifrey Falls (GC9GNNW)