Grandma

"Hello! I'm Grandma! Damnit! And I'm not happy my family is sending me out in to the world! I wanna stay home! I wanna play Nintendo! My rotten daughter is mean to me! Bart! Baaaart! Make her stop!"

Relax yourself, Grandma! (Visit Grandma's official Webpage at http://www.amusings.net/grandma/ for more details as to why she is screaming. A lot.)

We here at Team Screamapillar [chief among them your rotten daughter Christine] think you don't get out enough! We have taken you on some excellent adventures and vacations.You've been to Arizona, Utah, Key West, Niagara Falls, Canada and Sweden! You were even eaten by a puppy and then cloned by the geniuses at Clonaid! Add to that the fact that today is your 38th wedding anniversary with good ole Bart over there, we thought there would be no better way than to celebrate your marital bliss than to send you off as a Travel Bug. Yell 'goddammit Bart' and put that tag on! Hit the road!

We know she's sometimes kind of grumpy, so here are instructions for finders of Grandma to help ensure she has a fun time as a Travel Bug.

1. Please let her play your Nintendo. Grandma LOVES her some Nintendo!

2. Grandma smokes, so keep her away from cigarettes. She needs a more healthy lifestyle, don'tcha know.

3. Humor her. She's a cranky old bag, but she's got a heart of gold.

4. If you repeatedly press the top of Grandma's head, she'll kick her leg. When someone makes you mad, chase them with Grandma kicking and she can yell at them. It's lots of fun.

5. Please Take Pictures of Grandma! The fun of Grandma's Adventures webpage is that Grandma gets to go to some wacky places. Email presidentkang2004@gmail.com with your Grandma pictures You can post them here on the Travel Bug watch site too.

6. update 1/2004: Team Wutzebear made a quilt for Grandma. If you retrieve her, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE THE QUILT! I'd like to make sure they stay together. You can give Grandma gifts -- just make sure she's in a bag, with her gifts, as you pass her along! Feel free to secure the gifts to her if you feel it necessary.

7. update 9/2005: Grandma recently suffered a second chewing by a dog. Back in the day, Jack Puppy ATE grandma and left her horribly malformed but thanks to the efforts of Clonaid she was rebuilt (see her webpage for details at http://www.amusings.net/grandma/obituary.htm). Being eaten TWICE by dogs has really made Grandma dog-phobic. Please keep her away from chewy canines. Thank you.

Grandma would like to make it cross country and back. Can you help her? I bet you can. Please don't lose her, she's near and dear to Team Screamapillar.